How to be Annoying on an Elevator

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1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5. Meow occasionally.

6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.

7. Say "DING!" at each floor.

8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.

16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

21. Swat at flies that don't exist.

22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.

23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.

24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.

25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.

29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."

30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.

31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.

32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.

33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

34. Tell people that you can see their aura.

35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

38. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

39. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

40. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

41.On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

42. Shave.

43. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

44. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

45. One word: Flatulence!

46. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

47. Do Tai Chi exercises.

48. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, darn motion sickness!"

49. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

50. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

51. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

52. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

53. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

54. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

55. Leave a box between the doors.

56. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

57. Start a sing-along.

58. Play the harmonica.

59. Lean against the button panel.

60. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

61. Bring a chair along.

62. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

63. Blow spit bubbles.

64. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

65. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

66. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at the passengers.

67. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

68. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

69. Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone's shoes.

70. Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!"

71. Challenge your neighbor to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament.

72. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.

73. Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe.

74. Meditate.

75. Make chalk drawings on the walls.

76. As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, darn it!"

77. Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.

78. Try to get a game of "Twister" going.

79. Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.

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