Drive // PHAN

17.

HEAVILY inspired by dodie. I've been upset for a couple days, sorry for no updates. Things are falling apart a bit right now.

tw/ sexual abuse, some swearing, self harm mention, bullying

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/Dan pov/

Everything seems wrong. I don't feel like I'm here, I feel like I've had three wines and shots and beer, and I'm just so tired and ready to go home. I can't talk to anyone, I've forgotten how I usually talk to people. I don't even look like my, my eyes don't look familiar and my lips haven't done a thing but frown in the past two days but somehow people look at me like they see me every day.

The thing is, I can breathe, I can eat and see and think and smell and feel, so I should be okay. Objectively, I am okay. Why am I not? It's one of those there's where your head keeps spinning and spinning and you're wondering what is happening? Why isn't my head working normally? I keep spinning and spinning and can't focus on a thing, the papers in front of me are blurry to my eyes but nobody else's, and I genuinely think I'm going mad.

The voice droning on about polygons and quadrilaterals was barely aware that the class around it wasn't paying any attention, rattling on.

I wasn't aware of the asshole behind my head making crude jokes about me, or how my arms had slipped a bit, and everyone could tell this was not done by mistake. About how the boy behind me had already spread it to the next table over, and I could have never imagined they were whispering about me. I wasn't aware that Phil was sitting across the room with a short blonde boy pointing my way with a playful smile on his face, trivializing my body. I wasn't aware that Phil was looking at the boy with a scowl on his lips and a squint of his eye.

I fell asleep there, right through the bell. Everyone left me there like bait for the teacher, expect for Phil. Phil shook my shoulder, whispering, "Dan come on, it's time to go home." as he rubbed my shoulder lightly. I thanked him, giving him a hug and kissing his cheek, letting out a sigh of relief that I can finally go home, Phil was coming with me today, too. He wanted to makeup for being an asshole, and though I had thought about talking about how I feel, I blew it off as being tired.

"Phil, I'm gonna run to the restroom real quick. Don't leave yet." I told him, walking towards the admittedly disgusting school bathroom. My feet dragged across the destroyed school carpet, making some sort of buzzing sound that almost killed me back to sleep, if I hadn't been by the restroom already.

I do my thing, zipping up my pants real quick, as I turn around and run right into someone. Not just anyone, I ran into the football team captain, and my day really couldn't have got worse, because suddenly I'm out of this dream place I've been in all day, and my heart is beating out of my chest as he picks me up and slams me against the wall his hands roaming my thighs as I push my hands against his chest as hard as I can. My eyebrows furrow as I try my best to get his tongue out of my mouth, turning my head every which way and flailing my hands. I let out a series of complaints, "let me out! Please- just let me go-" I can't get out. He's lifting up my shirt and I want to imagine it's Phil, but somehow that doesn't work as sharp fingernails dig into my arm, the hand lifting up my shirt is rubbing my chest and his mouth is biting my neck-

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"