Let You Go

Chapter 17

Ryder talked me into going to the party Amanda had been telling me about yesterday after we finally got out of bed. I knew it would be fun, I knew we both needed to pretend like life was moving on with us instead of without us. Plus I didn't want to see me my mom, so I grabbed her money and offered to buy us both dinner first. Ryder knew what I was doing, but he went along with it. He was going to let me hate my mother for a little while longer.

Then I knew when push came to shove he would tell me to talk to her.

Ryder seemed tense as we walked up to the barn where the party was already started. He had been the one to say he wanted to come to the party. Although why Jason texted him was beyond me, I never thought they were close. This was the first I had heard from him since we lost Aimee. I held onto Ryder's hand tightly as he pushed open the door.

The barn smelled like smoke, it hit me right as we walked through the doors. I coughed as someone yelled Ryder's name. He didn't drop my hand, at least not right away. He smiled at his friend, someone I didn't recognize.

"Aaron! Hey when did you get back?" He slapped his shoulder as I stood there awkwardly.

"Two weeks ago man. If you didn't spend so much time with your secret girlfriend," he flashed me a smile, "you would've heard."

Ryder pulled me into his side and kissed my cheek, "sorry. She's a lot prettier than you."

I blushed as he wrapped his arms around my waist, "I'm Cash. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to finally meet you. This dick has been hiding you from me for an entire year. I knew he wasn't happy all the time for no reason. Especially when he was sneaking off all the time," Aaron rolled his eyes, "but hey, you're a secret I'd keep too."

"Cash!" Amanda yelled my name as Aaron and Ryder started to talk. I kissed his cheek and then pulled away. I walked to my friend and she hugged me, already drunk. She reeked of beer, "here for round two?"

I laughed. She handed me a beer, "not exactly. I think I'm going to do this sober tonight."

"Bummer. Drunk Cash was so much fun!" Amanda kissed my cheek.

"Hey. You know where Jason is?" I asked feeling slightly panicked now that I was on my own. I liked Amanda, we got along well, but she wasn't the person I had come here for. If I was doing this sober I at least wanted to talk to Jason.

Her eyes were bloodshot, "last I saw that tall drink of water," her accent was thick, "he was over by the beer. Or the pong table," her finger went in different directions, "either way he was looking for you too."

I nodded, "good to know."

I laughed as she stumbled away and I saw Ryder setting down an empty beer bottle. I hadn't been away from him for five minutes and he had already finished a beer? Maybe this hadn't been a good idea. Maybe he was falling the way I had before. Even if today had started out okay, that didn't mean it would end that way.

Sadness pulled at your heart when you least expected it to.

Like now, when I thought back to all those times Aimee ditched me at the parties she dragged me to. I bit my lip, trying not to compare her brother to her. Because then things got weird and my heart started to hurt for different reasons. I sighed, rubbing my temples. My head pounded in time with the music.

I walked back to Ryder, grabbing his hand before he followed Aaron wherever it was they were going, "hey. You okay?"

His eyes swam, "just perfect," he yelled above the music, pulling me into him. He kissed me, his mouth tasted like beer. I winced as his hands held my face too tightly.