Let You Go

Chapter 32

Aimee always believed her life was planned out for her. She believed that there were things that happened for a certain reason and even though she may never know why, everything that happened, was meant to teach her something. She was pushing, risking everything she was, to become a better person. She knew that if she were to leave this earth, she would leave with no regrets.

Without her here, I understood her belief in fate. I understood her view on the world, now that she was gone. Because if I could change the course of my life, I wasn't sure I would. Sure I would go back and change losing her. I would go back and tell her the truth about me and her brother. Then again those things led me here, to this very moment in his arms.

If I had told her the truth, she could've talked me out of it. She could've taken Ryder away from me when I needed him the most. If I still lost her, then at least I would always have him. Maybe that was fate's way of giving me a piece of happiness. Maybe Aimee had given me her brother as a parting gift. Since we never did get to say goodbye.

I leaned back into Ryder's chest as we stood there waiting for the ferris wheel. I hated heights, but for some reason when he asked me to go on with him, I didn't hesitate. I just said yes. Maybe I was becoming more like my best friend. Life I was too short to be afraid of everything. Life was too short to live within your comfort zone.

"Cash!" I jumped as someone said my name. I turned and saw my grandmother standing there. I hadn't seen her since I broke down at her house that night we took Ryder for dinner. I took in a deep breath, surprised they bothered to come. I hadn't answered their phone calls.

"I'll uh, be right back," I pulled away from him as they stood a few feet away waiting for me. My grandmother was smiling like nothing had happened, my grandfather looked surprised to see me. He looked surprised that I would come talk to them.

I offered them a small smile, my grandmother hugged me tightly, "you were so good up there. You say you've been doing that since you were younger? You're a natural, you're so talented."

I blushed, "thanks grandma. I'm surprised you guys came."

"Well we told you we would be here. We wanted to see you," she looked at my grandfather and then she sighed, "Cash I wanted to apologize for our behavior at the dinner the other night. I want you to know that we're sorry. We love you and we love who you love."

I smiled, wincing as my grandmother looked through me. I stood up straighter and then shook my head, "no you don't. You don't like Ryder and I'm not sure why. But it's okay, because I like Ryder and that's all that matters."

"Cash, we just want you to be happy."

I nodded, "I am happy. I'm happier than I've been this whole summer and a lot of that is because of him. So nothing you say can or will take that away from," I stepped away from my grandmother as she reached for me.

"Cash," my grandfather started to talk but then something inside me snapped. I couldn't handle this now, I needed them to know how I really felt. I needed them to know that I knew the truth. Mom had always been honest with me. I knew the real reason we never stayed with them. I squared my shoulders.

"Look I know you guys didn't want mom to have me. I've always known that was the real reason mom left, why she barely talked to you after I was born. I know you think she threw her life away, gave up all these opportunities because she decided to keep me," I swallowed the tears as my grandmother started to shake her head, "no it's okay. I've accepted it."

I took in a shaky breath and looked at my grandfather, "but even though these last nineteen years have been rocky, I'm thankful to have you in my life. I'm glad that you love me and that I have a relationship with you both. But that doesn't not mean you get to have a say in what I do with my life. It is my choice if I go back to school, my choice if I defer and take a year off. The only person allowed to get angry at me for that is my mom."

I paused as my grandfathers face fell. I knew he wanted to object, but I kept going. I wasn't finished yet.

"I'm sorry I threw a fit the last time we had dinner. But I will not let you," my eyes fell on my grandfather, "or anyone else tell me who I am allowed to be with. I love Ryder, I've known him my entire life. I am in love with him and I don't care if he was living on the street. I choose him and for some unknown reason he chooses me. So don't try to scare him away again grandpa. Because he's it for me."

I felt a hand snake around my waist as I let out a breath and my grandparents stood there horrified. Ryder's hand landed on my hip as he pulled me close, kissing my cheek.

I smiled at them, "thank you for coming, thank you for being here on one of the hardest days of my life. I love you two. But I won't let you control me."

My grandmother smiled, "you're more like your mother with every passing day. That's something to be proud of."

She squeezed my hand and looked at Ryder, "please take care of her. She's precious to us."

He smiled, "I don't plan on letting her get away," his deep voice rattled my heart as he pressed a kiss to my temple.

Then my grandmother glared at my grandfather. He cleared his throat, "I'm sorry, son. For what I said," he held his hand out, "you're a good man. If my granddaughter loves you, well then that's good enough for me."

I smiled as Ryder shook his hand, keeping his arm around me. I leaned into him as they excused themselves and then I let out a breath. Ryder placed both hands on my hips as spinning me around so I could face him. He dipped me down, as if we had been dancing together. When I came back up, I couldn't stop giggling like the girl I had been before this summer happened. His brown eyes were bright in the evening light. 

I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him.

That ball of emotion, the anger and sadness and everything else it had been suffocating me with for the last three months, burst in that moment. It fluttered and then it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. My father's leaving, losing Aimee, it all went with that knot that had been sitting in my chest. I didn't need my father to be happy, I could find a way to laugh despite losing my best friend. I held onto Ryder's arms as I felt my heart settle back into place inside my chest.

When he pulled away I couldn't help but smile, feeling lighter than I had in months.

"Thank you," he whispered softly, "for defending me. You didn't have to, I don't care about anything he said. You're the only thing that matters to me."

I smiled, running my finger down his cheek, "I'll defend you to the end of time. You're my best friend, my person."

His crooked smile squeezed my heart. He didn't say anything back, he didn't have to. Instead he pulled me into him, pressing his lips against mine once more. I wrapped my arms around his neck and I knew no matter what happened next, I would always belong beside him.

He had helped me through my worst self, my darkest hours. Now I was going to do everything I could to give him my best self.