How to Annoy Voldemort

Mr. Voldiewart and the Sense of Humor

1. Ask him if he's going to propose soon
2. Ask why he doesn't have more horcruxes because he's murdered more than seven people
3. Ask where he gets the vanishing cream for his hair
4. Ask him if it's the same one he uses for his nose
5. Ask him if he knows what a shower is
6. Ask if he's ever used one
7. Ask why he chose a bald head over a buzz-cut
8. Ask him how old he is
9. Ask how much older he is than Yoda
10. Ask if they were best friends back in the Jurassic Age
11. Tell him that it's a small world Harry has to be somewhere
12. But of course Harry could get him easy too
13. Ask him if he is color blind because all his scenes and stuff are gray and black
14. Tell him he looks like Jacob Sartorius because he has no eyebrows
15. Tell him that he and Harry are related
16. Tell him he should host a tea party for him and Harry to talk it out
17. Tell him Slytherin was actually related to Gryffindor
18. Create an amusement park about him
19. Make all the rides end with you getting killed
20. Call one section Bald land
21. Call one section Beauty land (because that's the exact opposite of him)
22. Call one ride Plastic Surgery
23. Make the only food they sell be a potato with sauce and cream for a make Voldie a hairstyle meal
24. Make the store sell Harry Potter glasses and temporary tattoo lighting scars and a Dumbledore beard
25. Imperio all his death eaters into buying either Harry Potter or Dumbledore costumes
26. Have his daughter wear one for Halloween
27. Tell him Bellatrix is cheating on him
28. Tell him Harry Potter has become immortal
29. Tell him Snape has a crush on him
30. Tell him if he's got parenting issues
31. Tell him he's such a bad parent he should take parenting advice from Trump
32. And the Amazing World of Gumball
33. Ask if the reason he's bald is because the pink hair dye didn't work out
34. Change all his robes to scarlet
35. Steal his wand
36. Replace it with a barbie doll
37. Sign him up for Mini Theater Troop
38. Sign him up for the next soap opera
39. Sell his wand on Ebay
40. Buy a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates
41. Sign from your true love Harry
42. Book him a reservation on a Disney Cruise
43. Book him a cabin with Hermione
44. Sign him up for ballet lessons
45. Sign him up for gymnastics
46. Watch him fail at a handstand
47. Make him do cartwheels on a tightrope across the Grand Canyon
48. When he falls do the cartoon falling noise
49. Also do the Goofy laugh
50. Ask if he's going steady with Wormtail
51. Sign him up for the NFL
52. Laugh when he gets trampled
53. Sign him up for rec soccer
54. Give him a participation trophy
55. Ask if it's Nagini's time of the month
56. Ask if he's on a diet because he's got a fat lump coming out of the top of his torso
57. Show him a bogart
58. Laugh as it turns into his teddy bear on fire
59. Ask if he's a snake because he can talk to other snakes and has no hair
60. Ask if he's updated his Facebook status since collage, oh wait they didn't have face book in caveman times
61. Everytime he comes around a corner, yell AVADA KADAVRA
62. Make him a Harry Potter themed cake for his birthday
63. Give him a Dumbledore outfit from the gift shop
64. Ask if  he was around for the big bang
65. Ask him if he has 'parent issues'
66. Tell him he should get out more
67. Tell him being inside so much is harming his skin, oh wait that was because he was practically dead for 14 years
68. Ask him if he donated his nose to 'science'
69. Remind him constantly about U-No-Poo
70. Use a sticking charm to forever attach an obviously fake nose
71. Tell him that this is a no smoking zone
72. Tell him it's very obvious by his skin and voice that he is a smoker
73. Ask him if he knows Donald Trump because they look very similar
74. Ask why he has a pushed in pig snout
75. Whenever he has an idea, yell 'it's a miracle'
76. Whenever he enters a room have the symphony play the death march
77. Create a spell that puts a song into somebody's head
78. Put It's a Wonderful World in his head
79. Sign him up for wrestling
80. Make him wrestle with the pros
81. Ask how many years it took him to become an animagus
82. If he's confused, explain that he looks like a hairless cat
83. Ask him where he buys his cologne
84. Call the authorities and report this place for being insanitary
85. Send him a stack of letters to Hogwarts that clearly say Harry Potter
86. Ask him if he's on drugs or maybe drunk because he's not looking or sounding too good
87. Ask him if he's had all his vaccinations
88. Tell him you know a good surgen
89. He can get plastic surgery for only $225.99
90. Tell him you destroyed one of his horcruxes
91. Tell him you know about his affair with Bellatrix
92. Tell him he's next
93. Tell him it's Nagini's turn to meet death
94. Everytime you see him yell If You're Happy and You Know It
95. Ask how Snapie's doing
96. Always hit him with stupid pick-up lines
97. Always yell 'It's Harry'
98. Yell 'Harry Defeated Voldie'
99. Always introduce him by saying 'The Dark Lord Approches'
100. Show him this list and have a check on everything
101. Blame it on me and laugh like Bellatrix when I get killed