Love In a Maze

Nocturne of Remembered Spring

She had been sitting on his bed quietly waiting for him to acknowledge her, for what seemed like hours. He would walk by without a touch, his gaze as if passing through her. Why the hell did he even ask for her to come? The once quiet suite now abuzz with people shuffling to pack, who had also strangely refused to acknowledge her. For an instant she had wondered if she had become invisible. He was leaving he had made that perfectly clear... he didn't have to put on some grand spectacle. Did he expect her to cry, expect her to beg him not to go? Standing up from the bed she reached for her jacket and suddenly realized how quiet the space had gotten. He slipped through he door and closed it behind him. Kissing her briefly on the cheek he took her jacket out of her hand and laid it back on the bed. Well shit, she did exist.

Sitting in the spot she had just vacated he looked up to her. "Come back with me to LA, they want a new album." The short visit he had made to see his mom and attend Billy's funeral had turned into a two month detour, a break from a world he wasn't sure he wanted to be a part of anymore. His record company, his manager had been steadily calling asking him to return, either with or without the Revolution he still owed them one last album. "There'll be a tour." He grinned as if this one comment would receive and instant approval from her.

"Oh no Kid, I don't do that kinda shit anymore." She shook her head with a smile.

"What fuck musicians?" He had meant it to sound clever, witty but with that word no, it came out angry and frustrated. Again being rejected by her it had seemed easier to burn any possibilities than to live without her.

Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him in disgust. She had thought maybe he could have been different but these fuckers were all the same, no matter how old she was. In that moment she hated herself and the mistake he had turned out to be. "I have a life here. I can't just drop everything and run away..."

In that instant he realized all her dreams and words of escape were nothing more than a fantasy, a fantasy he was foolish enough to think could have been their reality. "What did you expect that I would stay here and help you run your shitty little shop?" He regretted the words as soon as they left his lips.

"No of course not." She said heartbroken. She didn't want anything from him, least of all that. He could be so cruel, but he would never apologize. "I thought you understood by now I don't want anything from you... nothing. I'm not some kind of hanger on. I don't need you to make me into something I'm not. Having you here for as little time as it is, was enough. You don't need some knock off Joni Mitchell in your stable of talent. And I sure as hell ain't going to be her. Some people like their shitty little lives, in their shitty little shops on their shitty sides town. Just because this wasn't enough for you doesn't mean it isn't enough for other people." She continued, he watching her intensely not making a sound, as she paced in front of him.

"Just because you feel insecure about your future doesn't mean I do. It can be taken away from you at any second and you are fighting fighting to hold on with everything you have. You don't think I see your face when we talk about your band... or whatever the hell is left of it. Sometimes we can't control everything, not our lives and especially not anyone else's. Life isn't a song you can't create it and then just throw it away or come back to it later when it isn't working for you. I've tried to show you that I don't want anything... need anything from you but... the time you chose to give me. My life doesn't end or begin when you leave... it just continues." She took a shaking breath and sighed through the tears welling in her chest.