Translucent

Thirteen

*Trigger warning*

"I don't wanna go home."

I was having a beautiful day with Drew by my side. He confessed his love to me. It was the best day of my life. I wanted nothing more than just to spend rest of my life with Drew. Visiting this town wasn't as bad as I thought. And it turned out to be the best decision of my life. The smile never left my face, the butterflies never subsided and the love in my heart was getting strong with each second passing by.

Drew took my hands in his warm ones. we were standing in the middle of nowhere. The view around us was serene-green and luscious grass, shadowed over a bit by the enormous and mighty line of trees surrounding us. But we didn't care. The sun was shining above us and the soft breeze blowing quietly. It looked so calm and peaceful. Drew leaned in so did I. He snaked his arm around my waist, pulling me even more closer until our hip-bones crashed together and a squeal of surprise escaped from my lips. I snaked my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss.

We were having a moment, when a drop of rain fell on my nose. We pulled apart as I noticed the sun had hidden behind dark clouds and the soft breeze had turned into wild whips of air. Darkness surrounded us in no time. The sky above clouded over and ramble as bolts of lightening zig-zagged their way down to the earth, lightening the sky up in hues of electric blue. Heavy downpour started. Everything turned upside down. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It should have been rainbow and sunshine. Rainbow and sunshine! Suddenly, his memories started crumbling down on me. His cries for help! His trembling voice! His stumbling steps! His fumbling hands!  Glossy eyes! Bruised skin!

He wasn't supposed to be in my mind. It supposed to be Drew. Drew? I looked around me, but Drew was nowhere to be seen. Where did he go? What's happening? And why was it happening now? I never asked for this.

I was completely soaked by now and my body was trembling from the fear. I wrapped my arms around me and cried sofly as I felt so alone in middle of nowhere,  just like him, and afraid, just like him, and lost, just like him.  Why did I feel this connection with him? It was impossible. I wanted to scream from the top of my lungs. I balled up my fist and took a deep breath and screamed as loud as I could. My screams got lost in the echo.

"You will end up just like me! You gotta do something."

I heard his voice speaking to me. My nose flared up with rage. Anger was pulsing in my veins. He was the reason I became like this. He fucked with me, and my mind, and my life.

"Who are you? What the fuck do you want? Why can't you show me your pathetic face?" I shouted out to no one. I didn't even know, if he was real or some sick and twisted imagination of mine.

He appeared in front of me with a blink of my eyes. He was looking so upset, he had bags under his eyes, his face was covered with cuts and contusions. He looked so miserable. He had scars on his hands. My anger subsided as I saw him. I unclenched my fist. My eyes became watery just to see his state. Miserable!

"Who did this to you?" The words slipped from my lips. My voice trembling, slightly.

"I need your help!" He ignored my question. But the pain in his voice made my knees go weak as I fell to the dirt floor. The grass beneath me disappeared somehow. Now, it was only tiled floor. I looked around me in pure horror as I found myself in my bathroom with walls painted with blood and the floor splattered with crimson red. And he was nowhere. I backed away and hit my back with the sink. How did this happen? I felt sick to my stomach. I turned around and grabbed the sink with my hands to steady myself. And when I looked up, He was looking through the mirror. No expressions on his face. He was bleeding so much. He was staring at me with passive eyes. The glint in those eyes had faded. Veins were poking out of his battered skin.

My expression hardened. There he Is! He never leaves me alone. I'll make him leave now. And I'll make sure he would never come back. I took a sharp breath as I raised my injured hand into fist and swung it down hard on the mirror with full force without thinking twice. The mirror shattered into million pieces in one swing. I didn't even flinch. 

I angrily ripped the bandages off my hand. Tiny sharp pieces embedded in my knuckles. My wound opened once again, and it started bleeding just like walls. Tears fell from my eyes and My lips trembled as I took shallow breathing. What did I do?

Who is responsible for this?

Blood! Blood was the only thing I could see right now, in front of me. Blood was on the walls, and on the floor, and on my clothes and on me. I needed to escape this unknown terror that was attacking me. I needed to do this. And right now. I came back to my sense as realisation hit me like a brick wall. What I've done.

I slid down onto the floor and picked up one of the sharp piece of glass from the floor. I looked at my skin then the piece of glass. I had done it before. Blade and flesh. I shook the voice away and brought the piece of glass to my wrist, embedding it in my flesh and dragging it slowly.

It's the only thing, that's keeping me alive,
And I dragged it on my wrists and thighs.

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I woke up as I felt the sharp burning pain on my both wrists and thighs. I tried to bring my hand to my eyes, to rub the sleep away but winced from the pain in my hand from little movement. Suddenly, I was fully awake as I saw, why my hands were hurting. I found myself on the dirty bathroom floor with so many pieces of glass were scattered here and there on the bathroom floor. Blood was splattered on the floor. My knuckles, wrists and thighs were bleeding. My clothes were stained red. Did I do this? Was the dream real? I tried to stand up but fell right away. I was too tired and worn out. I was in so much pain. Everything started to spin around me. I felt weak. I was loosing so much blood. I slid back down on the floor with a thud as a groan escaped my trembling lips.

It was cold, everything was cold, teeth chattering, skin shivering, bone aching and breath clouding. And I felt trapped. I needed to get out of here. I had to do something and real quick. In eerie quiet bathroom I could hear whispers. So many whispers. I couldn't make out anything. But it was driving me insane. My ears were ringing. Silence had become the noise. And it was deafening.

Back in the bathroom. I could only cry softly, trying to compose myself in some way. Eventually, I clutched the sink tightly with my hands and pulled myself up to my feet, hissing and cringing. I clenched my teeth as burning pain run through my body. I started searching for medical kit. I couldn't stand anymore, my knees were about to give out any second. They were shaking so bad.

"Where are you? I had kept you hidden in there."  I heard the voice spoke. "Top shelf, behind the cortons."  I followed the directions. I winced every time I moved a muscle. The pain was almost unbearable. I felt my knees wobbled. I managed to find the medical kit and a washcloth as I sank to the floor. I gasped in pain. I cleaned the blood off. And pour some disinfectant on the self-inflicted wounds. It hurt like hell. I wrapped the gauge loosely around them.

Now, the only problem was pulling the shreds of glass out. It was the hardest part to do. But I needed to do it. And tried not to cry out in pain. I couldn't take the risk of waking Granny.

I took off my top and put it in my mouth and clenched my teeth. Tears pricked in my eyes as I clenched my fist tightly and pulled the shreds of glass out one by one. I gritted my teeth and screamed out in pain but only muffled sound came out.

It was hurting so bad. Why was this happening to me? I didn't deserve it. I left the blood on the floor, too tired to clean it up now. I would do it in the morning. I left the bathroom and dragged myself back in my bed somehow. I laid there crying myself to sleep.

I can hear whispers. Dark lyrics in my ears. Haunting me.

It's the only thing, that's keeping me alive,
And I dragged it on my wrists and thighs.