Amare Speculae

Chapter Four

AN: I'm sorry for the lack of updates. I've really been focusing on We Feel Like Monsters because I've been in that kind of mood and I didn't feel like I would be able to write the next part without it being too light and trespassing into crack zone. I've seen serious stories do that and it is not pretty. So I waited until I could take Amare Speculum seriously. I thought you all would appreciate that.

I'm not even sure what I did with this or why. I had this scene that I desperately wanted to fit in here somewhere, so I... did. Just kind of smashed it in there. It's a bit sappy now, and we all know Severus does not do sappy, but he does do insecure so it might work out. You never know.

Anyway, the next chapter. Fun day.

~Kiro
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things changed for both of them, then. Not in public, of course. In public Severus was a slightly lower grade of malicious than he was in the war. Harry still had Potions with his Severus, and Snape still acted as professional as he always had. That is, he still insulted everyone constantly, clearly favored certain students, and tried his hardest to make everyone suffer. But he no longer treated Harry with particular malice, instead placing him under the medium umbrella of "default level hate".

As the time worked its way through January, Harry was kept up at nights thinking about Severus. He was certain that he would have had dark circles under his eyes had he not been using a glamor, and he kept falling asleep in odd places. He just couldn't help it though, he couldn't stop thinking about his soulmate and ended up staying up past four most nights. He was constantly tired, but now he lived for potions.

Harry was still miserable at potions. The only difference between the new potions classes and the old were that now Severus stopped him /before/ he ruined his potions.

The first time that Snape had silently crept up behind Harry, looked over his shoulder, and muttered "I hope that you aren't about to put those seasoned Hedgehog quills in before the required 37 seconds, Potter," Harry had nearly jumped out of his skin. He had carefully withdrew the hand holding the quills and looked back at the professor. The man raised an eyebrow at his incredulous expression and turned to stalk over to Neville. A slow smile spread over Harry's face as he turned back to the cauldron, ignoring the dropped jaws of the people surrounding him.

That also happened to be the first day that Harry received a detention since their talk. Somehow, despite Snape's warnings, he had managed to spoil his potion. Looking at the vial of yellow-green goo, Snape raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

"How you manage to make such mistakes, Potter, I will never understand. Detention tonight, be at my office at eight pm exactly." His robes brushed against Harry's arm as he stalked away, and Harry was caught in a confusing mix of anger, jubilation, and wonder. Harry tried to scowl at his friends as they grumbled about the grumpy potions master, but he feared he only succeeded in looking like a sulking puppy.

A few hours later, at precisely 8:03 pm, Harry knocked on the door to Snape's office. Harry had been detained by quidditch practice and had fallen asleep in the shower. Not the most comfortable sleeping position, as he could testify, and he had barely had time to throw clothes on before he ran down to the dungeons. Currently, his clothes were soaked through and his right side had a horrible cramp. But he was here, and he was half-excited and half-dreading this detention. At the call to come in, he entered.

"You are late. Again. One would think that you didn't want to see- why in Merlin's name are you dripping all over the floor?"

Harry looked down at himself, scattering more droplets from his hair. He was, indeed, dripping onto the floor. Harry ran a hand through his hair, squeegeeing more liquid onto the flagstones.

"I, uh, fell asleep in the shower after practice. Sorry I'm late, but I just had enough time to throw on some clothes and get down here. And sorry about the mess as well."

Harry shivered in the cool dungeon breeze, looking apologetically at Snape. With a sigh, the other man lifted his wand and cast a warming and drying spell at the boy. Harry smiled gratefully.

"Thanks, Severus. I- I can call you that, right? Since we aren't in class? And you should call me Harry."

Severus regarded Harry carefully, weighing pros and cons.

"I suppose that would be acceptable."

Harry looked up to Severus and back away, staring at the flaming cauldron that was now the room's primary heat source.

"So... Detention. Am I going to do the usual cauldron scrubbing or..."

He trailed off, looking to Snape hopefully. /Please, oh please, be nice now./

The other man shook his head and Harry let out a silent sigh of relief.

"No. I have realized that... I have never been the greatest teacher. I should have found ways to help you to a level far above the one you are at now, however, I did exactly the opposite. I have decided to fix my mistakes and help you to reach a higher level in potions. Besides, as a potions master I would lose all prestige were my student and soulmate to blow up a lab whenever they go near a cauldron."

Harry's eyes widened. He had not been expecting this. A make-out session, hardly, a cauldron scrubbing, maybe, a lecture, probably, but he had never expected tutoring. As far as Harry knew, Snape had never offered private help to anyone but his own Slytherins. This was new and unexpected. It made Harry feel excited and apprehensive and fuzzy inside.

"Ah... Alright. I- uh- thank you, Severus. I didn't expect this, but I appreciate it. Thank you."

Severus nodded and smirked.

"I can see that you do not have your materials with you. Luckily for you, I always have an extra student textbook. Rest assured that it is without my notes in the margins."

Harry blushed and nodded, pulling up a chair to the desk.

The study session went surprisingly well. Severus was relatively free of his asshole persona in the absence of other students, and Harry was able to concentrate on only the man before him. He communicated better with the man, asking for explanations and details that he hadn't gotten in the stripped-down classroom lectures.

At first Harry had feared that the individual lesson would bring out the enmity between the two again, but Severus seemed to work cautiously to avoid just that. Once, halfway through the session, Harry had to ask the man to just loosen up and, surprisingly, he did. Harry was able to see Severus' wit for what it was, wit, and not a personal attack against himself meant to harm him. The entire thing went extremely well, and by the end of the lesson both men were pleasantly surprised with how well they had worked together.

"So... we're going to do this again?"

Severus nodded, thinking.

"Yes. While this session went well, if was hardly enough to make you sufficient in potions. Might I suggest Mondays and Wednesdays at eight? I would also like to meet Fridays for more... personal rendezvous, if you would be amenable."

Harry beamed. Snape was asking to spend personal time with him outside of schoolwork! Oh, how wonderful it was!

"That sounds great! I'll have to tell my friends that it's all remedial potions, but I would love to do that!"

Severus grimaced.

"Ah, yes, the Golden Trio. I take it you have not told them of our... relationship?"

Harry nodded solemnly.

"Yeah. I'm kind of afraid of what Ron would do if he were to find out now. I want to wait until graduation to tell everyone. Well, I'm sure that Hermione already suspects something. She keeps giving me these looks, like she's staring into my soul and she's smug about what she sees."

Severus nodded with a grimace.

"Yes, the girl always was too smart for her own good. And I concur with you about not telling the general populous until your graduation. It would be much... safer for both of us if we were not to get in any more trouble with the law. As such..."

~

Something occurred to Severus then, and he looked away.

He knew that this was too good to be true. And the laws just proved it, didn't it? After all, laws were made for a reason. Severus had broken enough rules in his day to know that they always had very good motives behind them and very bad consequences for breaking them.

Besides, this couldn't be what Harry wanted. He was a young thing, full of life, and he deserved freedom. He didn't really want to tie himself down to Severus, and the seventeen-year-old would learn that in time. He didn't want some old, ugly, bitter man with a bad life and a dark past. Harry deserved someone better, sweeter, more attractive, and Harry would come to realize it in time. All he needed was a chance to see...

"We... In order to remain within the bounds of law, we must not engage in any... physical aspects of a relationship until your schooling is over. I... I understand that men, especially those as young as you, have needs and... as I have no means of-"

~

Harry, confused and worried, stopped Severus' halting words with a touch, turning the other man's face to gaze into his eyes.

"Severus. What are you saying?"

The other man sighed.

"You can be with other people in the meantime, Harry. I do not wish to stop you from enjoying your last year of school by keeping you bound to me. We should wait to engage in a relationship until you graduate, at the least. You might, also, find some other lad more suitable than me and I would fully understand-"

No. No, this couldn't be happening. Not so soon, not when they had barely even started! Harry was only just beginning to get to know this man behind Snape, this Severus. He couldn't let him go that easily, not now. If he let Severus back out now, things would never be the same. They would never get another chance. And Harry couldn't let that happen.

Harry interrupted Severus on that thought track, eyes watering as he gripped the other's chin harder and offered an emotional confirmation to his soulmate.

"Love waits for no man. And I will not wait for you, Severus."

~

Severus lowered his eyes to the floor, gaze skittering sideways as he attempted to pull away. He knew this was how it would happen. This was just slightly sooner than expected. Severus should have known better. However, as he moved to pull away, Severus was stopped by a young hand on his chin, pulling his gaze to meet emerald irises.

"I will not wait for you, Severus. Because I cannot delay any love that I might have for you. I can wait for sex, sex is less important than you are to me. But I will not wait to love you, Severus. I may not really love you now, but I am rapidly growing to and I will not ignore that. Promise me that you won't pull away now, when we've only just started? We can wait for PDA, we can wait for a physical relationship but I will not deny my emotions until I graduate, and I will not allow you to do that, either. Do you understand, Severus?"

Severus blinked, eyes wide at the unexpected onslaught of words. That had been unexpected, a shock to his system. The boy- man- was supposed to see reason, agree, and leave Severus behind. After all, Harry was a lot less invested in this relationship than Severus was. He was young, he should have been out partying and having one night stands. In fact, Severus had little doubt that was what the arrogant boy he had known would have done. It appeared that Harry had grown up, though. He was no longer the type that would do such things, if he ever was.

"Yes. But, Potter-"

"No. Stop. Stop right there. I don't care what most boys my age would jump at that offer, because I am me, not them. I want to try this out, Severus. You aren't perfect, but I'm starting to see you as close. Please, don't push me away 'for my own good'. I know what I want, Sev. And what I want is you."

Severus stared into Harry's eyes as if he could find answers to his questions there. He knew that Harry was not lying. The boy really did think that he wanted Severus. But... no one wanted Severus. He was broken, faulty, malformed. He was supposed to be the lonely one, the one who stubbornly held on to unrequited love for lifetimes, never getting his love. This was too good to be true, even a chance was too good. But he would still cling to this. Surely Harry would come to his senses in time, but for now Severus would keep him. He would.

"I- alright. I will accept this, for now. I am sure you will come to your senses in time, but if you choose to be masochistic in the mean time, I shan't stop you."

Harry raised an eyebrow, but grinned.

"Masochistic? I am hardly being masochistic by choosing to be with an attractive, intelligent man, Severus. If I weren't so happy I'd berate you for talking like that. As it is, I'll take a kiss then my leave."

Harry stood on his toes, bringing his face level with Severus' and bringing their lips together. He had meant for it to be a chaste kiss, but once he felt those lips on his he couldn't stop. He moved his lips against Severus' and, after a few moments, Severus began to kiss back. Neither were very good or practiced, and as things heated up one would bite too hard or the other would push their noses together. Nonetheless, it was magnificent, and as the two pulled away minutes later they both bore red lips, missed hair, and flustered expressions.

"You- you should go," Snape gasped between breaths, "it's after curfew and if you stay any longer I doubt we would adhere to the newly established rules of conduct."

Harry nodded, harried, and hurried to the door. He waved as he exited, calling out a "see you, secret lover" that had him giggling most of the way back to Gryffindor tower.