This I Love

Chapter Ten; The Problem With Three

*Sky Ferreira's likeness as Scarlette. And trust me, I know depression now is a very common thing but since it's become more mainstream than it was in the 80's...*

"Scar..." We were sitting on the same stupid park swings we had been on a few days ago. I kicked dust angrily while Axl silently sucked on his cancer sticks before he finally addressed me. "Who's Simone?" he wondered.

"My dumb mom", I muttered.

"Why is she dumb?" Axl asked.

I sighed and leaned back in my swing, keeping my hands around the chains so I was stretching out my arms as I looked up at the dumb stars. "She thought it would be rad to fucking hang herself in the bedroom while I was at school after an argument", I hissed. "Dumb fucking bitch."

"You know, it's stupid sure, but a lot of people have been in that spot", Axl murmured.

"Yeah, fucking dumb ones."

"You know, one time I tried to shoot myself..."

"Why the fuck would you do that?" I demanded. "You know how many people would be upset if you died?"

"I do now", he assured, nodding. "But in that moment, I was certain. And when Erin took the gun, I realized I was being selfish. Sometimes, people start things but don't know how to fix them when they realize that's not what they want but they can't go back. Where was Simone's Erin?"

"She didn't have one", I mumbled. "It should've been me since I was sick and should've stayed home but I was so desperate to be away from her..."

"What was your argument about?"

"I don't even remember now", I admitted. "It's...that's how dumb it was. She killed herself over an argument I don't even remember. Like, what the fuck?"

Axl frowned as he stood up. "She didn't kill herself over that", he said calmly. "People don't kill themselves over fights, Turner. They have...reasons. Dumb ones to people who will hopefully never be in a position to understand but they're there. Those reasons. Do you think you have a problem?"

"With these swings", I laughed darkly. "Why is it that this is the second time I've talked to you on them and this is the second time we bring up problems?"

"Because maybe you're wired wrong too. Maybe we have more in common than being hicks", he said, trying to smile. "Do you think you're depressed?"

"Being depressed isn't a problem", I snarled. "I'm fucking fine. Simone's the one-"

"That's making you so upset", Axl interrupted. "You think it's your fault for not being there. But even if you were, no one can say she wouldn't have done something different."

"She wasn't crazy", I argued. "And I should've been there. I should've just stayed home."