doctor

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by makinglettersoflove

by makinglettersoflove

*My wife, a phlebotomist at the Denver VA hospital, entered a patient's room to draw blood. Noticing an apple on his nightstand, she
remarked, "An apple a day keeps
the doctor away, right?"

"That's true," he agreed. "I haven't seen a doctor in three days."

*When my three-year-old was told
to pee in a cup at the doctor's office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With
a shaking voice, he asked, "Do I have to drink it?"

*Patient in to ER at 0400 with no complaints: 'I have been having chest pain for 4 months but I am not having chest pain now. The reason I'm here now is because I heard that 4am is the best time to come cause there are not that many people.' "

"Had a woman call 911 because she 'had déjà vu in the shower and got nervous.'"

"Got a frantic call from a woman who claimed she had overdosed and needed help immediately. We arrive on scene, and she hands us an empty mint container, saying she took them all. That night she learned that you cannot overdose on mints."

*A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, "How many people here make love once a day?" Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. "Once a week?" A third of
the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. "Once a month?" A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks, "OK, how about once a year?"

One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked—this disproves his theory. "If you make love only once a year," he asks, "why are you so happy?"

The man yells, "Today's the day!"

*My mother was rushed to the
hospital following a serious tumble. There the staff placed a band around her wrist with large letters warning: Fall Risk.

Unimpressed, Mom said to me, "I'll have them know I'm a winter, spring, and summer risk too."

*I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor.
He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, "I have a new obstetrician."

*My doctor took one look at
my gut and refused to believe that
I work out. So I listed the exercises
I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels,
push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot
in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.

*A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid."

"Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist.

The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never
remember the name."