Suicide // Haylor AU

Chapter 13

SATURDAY, MARCH 23
15 days left

Kendall and I are sitting at the kitchen table and she's peering out the window. I think she's hoping to catch a glimpse of Louis before we take off.
"Who's the cutie?" She presses her face against the windowpane.
I take a sip of my black coffee. I keep trying to teach myself to like coffee, but no matter how hard I try, I can't get past the bitter taste. "I thought you knew Louis?"
"Don't mess with me," she says. "That boy isn't Louis. He's taller and his hair is longer than Louis."
I look out the window and see Mrs. Styles' red Jeep pulling out of our driveway. The doorbell rings and I get up to answer the door, but Kendall beats me to it. She flings it open, puts her hands on her hips, and in her sweetest voice says, "Hello, nice to meet you."
"Uh, hi," Harry says as he walks into our house. I've never been embarrassed by anything at Steve's house, mostly because I spend all my time embarrassed about being me, but the second Harry enters, I start noticing everything that is wrong. Our carpet is stained and there's a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. It looks nothing like his immaculate, spotless house.
I know I shouldn't care what he thinks. It's not as if he's going to decide that he doesn't want to jump off the cliff at Crestville Pointe with me because my house is a disaster zone, but I don't like the idea of him feeling sorry for me. I wish the black slug would go ahead and eat my self consciousness along with my happiness.
He sticks his hand out to greet Kendall like he's a statesman.
"I'm Harry," he says. "I'm a friend of your sister's."
I'm surprised he was even able to deduce that Kendall was my sister, considering our lack of sibling resemblance. "Half sister," I blurt out before Kendall can say anything.
A flicker of annoyance washes over Kendall's face, but she ignores me and turns her attention back to Harry. She steps closer to him and tugs on the back of her shiny ponytail. "So how do you know Taylor?"
Harry looks down at the floor and shuffles his feet. "We met a few weeks ago at the basketball court out in Willis."
Kendall spins around to face me. "What were you doing in Willis?"
"Why do you care what I do?" I motion for Harry to come take a seat at the kitchen table. "Can I get you anything to drink?"
As I watch his eyes scan the room, I want to put my hands over them and lead him out of our house before he can see anything else. "My mom works," I say, trying to come up with any excuse for why the house is a mess.
"Yeah, she works down at Swift Mart," Kendall adds, skipping into the kitchen. "Six days a week, poor woman."
Poor woman? There are worse things in Mom's life than the fact that she works at Swift Mart. Try: Her first husband is a convicted murderer. Or: Her firstborn daughter is a depressed freak.
"Don't you have somewhere to be? Cheer practice or something?" I ask, opening the refrigerator. Harry didn't answer if he wanted something to drink, but I'm going to give him orange juice anyway. I pour it and put the glass down in front of him.
"Thanks," he says absently. His mind is elsewhere. I notice the glass is foggy with dust. Gross. Sometimes it takes watching someone else observe how you live to realize exactly how you live.
Kendall takes a seat next to him. "I don't have cheer practice today. I was thinking that I might tag along with you guys."
I try not to gape at her. What? "Um, but it's for a physics project."
She turns to Harry. "Are you working on the physics project?"
He gives me a slight smile before he says, "Nope. I just like the zoo. The sense of adventure, the animals."
She props her elbows up on the table and grins at me. "I like the zoo, too. And I'm all about adventures."
The doorbell rings again and I walk to the front hallway and open the door.  Louis is standing on the doorstep, his hands shoved in his pockets, wearing a white baseball cap that shades his blue eyes. "Hey, Taylor."
"Want to come in for a second?"
He shrugs. "Sure." He follows me into the kitchen.
"Louis!" Kendall springs up from her seat. She darts over to him and gives him a hug.
He returns her hug, squeezing and lifting her off the ground. She giggles, and Harry and I exchange a what-the-hell look.
"What's up?" Louis says, and I'm not sure if he's asking the entire group, but only Kendall answers.
"I just asked if I could go to the zoo with you guys." She gives Louis a pleading look, like he can be the tiebreaker between my adamant no and Harry's indifference.
"I didn't know you two hung out," Louis says to Kendall in a completely serious voice. Now I almost want to give Louis a hug myself.
"I think Kendall should come," Harry volunteers. And now he's apparently switched his vote from indifferent to yes.
"I'm Louis, by the way," Louis says, sticking his hand out to greet Harry. "And you are?"
"Harry." He grips Louis' hand. Firm. Way to go, Blurryface. "I'm a friend of Taylor's." Louis tries to hide his shock, but it's obvious to everyone what he's thinking. It's the same thing any of my classmates would think if they saw Harry and me out of context—a good-looking basketball player and the dark girl from school with the murderous father. I guess everyone sees us out of context, though.
"They met at a playground in Willis," Kendall interjects, beaming at Harry.
"I see," Louis says. "Well, should we get going, I heard the animals are sleepy later in the day? We need photographs of them moving, right?"
"Are you driving?" Kendall asks.
"Yeah," Louis says, dangling his keys in the air. "We can all fit in my car."
"I call the front seat!" Kendall says, jumping to her feet.
I run upstairs to our bedroom and dig through my backpack to find the camera I borrowed from the school library. I find it and put it into a smaller purse I borrow from Kendall's closet. It's baby blue, shaped like a seashell, and made of fake leather. It's not something I would buy in a million years, but it fits the camera perfectly, and who cares about the stupid color. Fashion is the least of my concerns right now.
I sit on the bedroom floor and take a couple of deep breaths, humming Mozart's requiem, mentally preparing myself for what's about to happen. Just as I'm about to head back downstairs downstairs, I hear a shuffling behind me.
"Today is going to be interesting," Harry says. Way to follow me upstairs without an invitation, Blurryface.
"You're telling me. I don't get why you wanted to come in the first place," I say.
He holds out his hand and helps pull me up from the floor. "Don't lie, you're now real glad I decided to come or else you'd have to suffer through the Louis-Kendall show all by yourself."
"You're the one who told her she could come," I mumble as we walk down the stairs.
"It's better this way." He opens the front door for me.
I grab my jacket off the coat hook and pull the house keys out of the pocket and lock the door. "I doubt it."
"It is," he says. "Trust me."
The air outside is crisp and the sky is clear and you can smell spring's moist, floral scent in the air. It's a perfect perfect day for the zoo. As we walk toward the car, I look up at Harry. I don't know if it's trust I feel for him. I guess I have to trust that he's going to jump when I do, not that it really matters as long as I go. I know that's an awful thing to think, but that's one thing where the trolls on the internet are maybe right: It's a selfish act. It's all about you, which is what makes the Suicide Partner thing so weird.

You only need your partner. Until you don't.