Suicide // Haylor AU

Chapter 17

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 27
11 days left

I text him when I'm in front of his house and within seconds Harry is walking toward my car. The hood of his blue sweatshirt is pulled over his ears and he's hunched over, like he's trying to hide from some invisible enemy.
Once he's inside the car and I've turned to pull away from his street, he says, "So why are we are going to the carnival?"
"I thought I was doing you a favor. Your mom will be really excited that you're out doing normal social things."
He bangs his head back against the headrest. "Yeah, you said that on the phone. I'm asking why you want to go to the carnival."
I glance over at him. His jaw is clenched and his eyes are downcast. He doesn't look like he's in the mood for any nonsense. No need to be so angry, Blurryface. "Okay, fine. I'll level with you. I called McGreavy Correctional Facility." I pause. "That's where my dad is, by the way. He's locked away there. And anyway, I wanted to tell you what I found out about the possibility of visiting him."
He lifts his chin and stares straight ahead out the windshield. He doesn't seem to have any reaction to my confession that my dad is locked away in prison. It's like I just told him my dad flips pancakes at the local diner or something. "Did you hear me? My dad's an inmate at McGreavy Correctional Facility."
Harry doesn't look over at me. He keeps staring out the windshield. "Couldn't you have just told me that on the phone?"
I shrug even though I know he's not watching me. It's funny the things we do even though no one is watching. "Well, yeah. But I thought it might be fun to go to the carnival and then I could tell you in person."
"Fun?" He spits the word out in the same way he spit "friends" out on the first day I met him. He finally turns to look at me. "Who are you?"
I press my foot against the gas pedal and stare straight ahead, doing my best not to show how hurt I am by his tone. I don't answer his question because I'm not sure I even know the answer anymore. We drive the rest of the way in silence.
Once we get to the carnival, I park my car in the muddy lot across from Langston Middle School. We walk side by side to the entrance and I buy tickets for the both of us. It's the least I can do considering I made him come with me and he paid for me at the zoo.
On the gates leading into the main ground, someone's hung five large, all of which feature James. I sneak a glance at Harry and see him studying the photographs. The inside of my mouth is dry, but I force myself to speak. "When's the last time you two talked?"
He shrugs. "A while ago. I don't really know the guy anymore." I may be paranoid, actually I know I'm paranoid, but it sounds like there's something lurking just beneath the surface of Harry's voice. Like he knows something that he doesn't want me to know he knows.
"Were you really as fast as him?" I think back to the first time I met Harry, when his friends Niall and Liam boasted about his athletic skills.
Harry lets out a cold laugh. "No. James was always way faster." He turns from the banner to me, a sly grin on his face. "But I could dribble circles around him."
A shallow wave of relief washes over me. Maybe what I sensed in Harry's voice wasn't judgment about my dad. Maybe he still really doesn't know. Maybe it was just jealousy, a reminder of how much his life has changed since Jade died. I'm about to ask more questions, but Harry nods his head in the direction of the carnival. "So are we going to go in or what?"
I hand him his ticket. "Yeah. Let's go."
The carnival is already crowded. Younger kids dart by us, chasing after one another, their hands sticky with cotton candy and their lips dyed blue from drinking  too many slushies. My heart drops into my stomach. I miss being that age. Before I completely realized that there was something seriously wrong with my dad that there was something seriously wrong with me.
Harry places his hand on the small of my back. I can't quite figure Harry out. For someone who can be so cold, he's awfully handsy. "You okay?"
"Just memories," I say. The ground is soft beneath my feet and my sneakers sink into the mud. The whole place smells like popcorn and fried food and dirt.
He nods and takes his hand off my back. "Jade loved this carnival."
I don't know what to say, so I make a lame suggestion. "Want to ride the Ferris wheel?"
He shrugs. "Sure. Why not?"
We wait in line. I see a few other kids from my class. I wonder if they're here to watch my sister's performance. I should probably go to that. Even though my presence would likely hurt more than it would help. It always does.