Closed Eyes

Introduction

"Sometimes all you can do is lie in bed, and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart."

- William C. Hannan

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Introduction

Looking out of the big golden window near my bed, all I can see is rain. Somehow the day gets even prettier and I know that somewhere in this crazy world there's gonna be a rainbow, until all water disappears, and we're not here to watch it happen.

Craziness happens to all of us, sometimes taking us down, even the strongest of all.

Everyday is a new day, and I'm stuck in this place, where my life stopped.

I used to be happy, have a life. Everything changed after the accident.

My parents locked me in here, not wanting to take care of me. Every doctor said I was showing signs of depression, which they used as the second reason.

The doctors appointments started when I stopped eating. I couldn't sleep, I felt empty. When I did sleep, I slept for too long. My body started to turn against me, with pains, aches, headaches that wouldn't go away. I just felt worthless, helpless. And anything would irritate me.

I can still smell the blood, and I still have nightmares about it, mostly the same one, every night. I can vividly still see my sister, hear my mom crying and feel the coldness of her skin.

When I look out at the window, all I can see is freedom. I miss mine.

I couldn't eat, had hallucinations with my sister always there, pale, and insomnia.

But even with all my recent problems, I'm sure the real reason I'm here is that I tried to kill myself, and my parents didn't wanna have to worry about me 24/7.

My so called best friend Julie hasn't visited me once. You'd expect more from someone who has been your only friend since kindergarten. She used to help me, even used to put food in my mouth, even when I was shaking, barely awake. She was there holding my hand, no matter what, her fingers sweating, showing me how nervous she was, how afraid she was of losing me, and back then, I didn't care. I thought everything was forever, nothing would ever change, but because of some weird force of the universe, everything ends. Nothing stays forever, not a friendship nor a blood relationship, and sanity is the easiest thing to lose in times of crises.

Sometimes my nightmares gets worse, my mind taking me to places and creating new scenarios, but I always wake up the same way: pale, sweaty and with my throat hurting, like I've screamed the whole night. I can vaguely remember calling out to her sometimes, screaming, trying to bring her back.

That was the time I felt lonelier than ever, and still feel, long after.

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I wake up, and the pain hits me. I look around, my sight still black and blurry. My sister sits next to me, immobile. Pulling every last bit of force I have, I touch her arm. Her skin feels cold over mine, and I start to frantically shake her, sadness taking over me, 'till I just give up, tiredness taking me away.

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