Fix Me, Save Me

Adoption Day

Chapter one: Adoption Day

22nd November Friday

Dear diary,

                  We’re all going to die, there’s no way around it. Some people die old and some sadly die young. Death has different causes, old age, stillborn and some unfortunately shot. I’m going to die of cancer. I’m 12 years old I already know I’m not going to make it to old age. I’m okay with that, I don’t mind that my disease will kill me.

I’m going to be buried in the graveyard and have teddy bears and flowers around my gravestones like the other children’s graves. I’d rather be burnt and let g in the sky so I can fly across the world, but I don’t think I have a choice.

I’m not scared; I don’t mind dying because something will grow in my place. No one is going to miss me. I live in a care home; I have done for 9 years now. Before I die I want a real family to look after me.

I don’t know when I’m going to die; Doctor Rutherford can’t give me an exact date. He keeps saying it could be years or it could be days. I’ve just got to keep fighting.

The first time I was taken into hospital was 5. I had bruises up my spine and I was tired all the time. That’s where I met Abby; she’s my special doctor that helps me when I’m at the hospital, at school and at home. She explained to me what Leukaemia was. Leukaemia is when your body makes too many white blood cells that take over. That’s how I understand it anyway. I started chemotherapy at 6. I had a tube in my chest so the doctors could give me medicine and take blood. The chemo made all my hair fall out and made me tired all the time. No one at the care home knows about my disease, I don’t want them to treat me any differently than I already am. I have to go to a different school, a special school where other kids with cancer go. They have units for us, when we’re tired, chemotherapy, and playrooms. We get to mess around. People may say that a home like that would be sad, like death hung over the place but it’s not, it’s a cheerful place. When I was 7 and a half the doctors said they had cured me but it came back again when I was 10 and here I am. I’m going to be starting chemo again but at the minute I’m taking some different medicine to help with the pain. Doctor Rutherford says that I’m doing okay. As long as I get my platelets and the medicine I’ll hopefully get better although I’m not holding my breath.

If I still had my parents they could have another baby who would donate bone marrow and things for me. A saviour sibling or a designer baby. I watched My Sister’s Keeper once with Abby; I have the same disease as Kate. Her parents had Anna who helped Kate.

There’s a foster day tomorrow, I’m hoping to find a family. I’m not going to last long but I think every child deserves to be loved.

Love Emily

Another dawn. I had pains during the night and had to get April to fetch my pills. April shares a room with me 1 because she’s my best friend and 2 because someone needs to look after me during the night. April knows all about my disease and thankfully she doesn’t mind. The medicine helps me sleep and ease the pain. After putting my clothes on I walked downstairs and into the dining room where the boys were already having a food fight.

“Boys, calm, put the food down” Josh shouted. The boys quickly dropped the deadly toast and continued eating.

“Foster day boys and girls, cheer up. Look at the sun” Louise said cheerfully. Louise is the one in charge pretty much. Basically she rules. Josh is the cook, he’s a big softie at heart and then there’s Kate the social worker, she organises the foster meetings. Foster day happens once a year where parents come round to meet us and usually take us home. I really hate foster day, who wants a dying child?

After eating my cereal I followed April upstairs to get changed. I thought my checked t-shirt and blue jeans were okay but April is always right. She passed me a floral tank top and black jeans instead. April always looks pretty, whatever she wears. I thought I cramp her style but I don’t think she cares what the other kids thinks.

“This is my 10th foster day April” I said. I went home one year with a family who brought me back 3 days after because of my illness, they thought they could catch it like a cold and they couldn’t cope with the “stress”.

“You’ll find them Em; I’ll make sure of it”. We walked downstairs together to see Kate showing parent into the living room. Due to the sunny weather they had moved everything outside. I liked sitting out in the sun. It reminds me that even when everything seems gloomy, something can always brighten your day. I sat down on the picnic bench and watched the world go by. A man sat on the other side of the bench. He had curly hair and a dashing smile that was beaming at me. He looked about 18ish.

“Hi” I smiled back sweetly.

“Why aren’t you with anyone else?” he asked.

“Because this is my 10th Foster day, what’s the point?” I held my head in my hands.

“Don’t be like that. Boys come over here”. I looked up to be greeted by 4 more friendly faces.

“I want her” Harry said happily.

“What’s your name love?” the tall one asked.

“Um… Emily” I replied.

“Well Um Emily, would you like to come home with us freaks?” I chuckled at the way he said may name.

“Yes please” I stood up.

“Great, let’s go sign some forms. Louis why don’t you go and help her pack?” the tall one spoke again. The jumpy one or Louis took my hand and practically dragged me bck into the house, up the stairs and in the room with my help for directions.

“This is going to be great” Louis exclaimed. I laughed a little. Pulling out my trunk from under my bed and heaved it onto the bed.

“You sit, I am packing” he said and stuck his head into the wardrobe. Item after item, my outfits were thrown into the bag in under 5 minutes. I clapped my hands as Louis sat back down on my bed. I placed my possessions into the suitcase (picture frames, diary etc) and zipped it up.

“Let’s go” Louis said and picked up my suitcase. Following behind him we met the others downstairs.

“The forms are filled out. We have your medical diary and all your numbers Emily. Introductions, I’m Liam, this is Niall, Zayn and you’ve met Harry and Louis”. I nodded to them all.

“Anything else you need?” Liam asked.

“Can’t think of anything” I said cheerfully. They started walking out with me behind. I took one more look around the place I had come to call my home before bounding after them.