Fix Me, Save Me

My last entry

Dear diary,

                 It’s me. This may be my last entry. I’m dying. I can feel it in my bones and even though Liam has told me that I’m going to be alright I don’t believe him. I’m scared. I wanted to be brave; I didn’t want to be scared. It hurts so badly, I don’t want to be in pain anymore. This isn’t fair, I hate this! Guys if you ever find this book read it but don’t cry. I want to be cremated. I looked it up one night on your laptop Liam, sorry. Let me go from the Hollywood sign. Put all my clothes to charity. Put all my possessions in a box, seal it and put it in the attic, never to be opened until my 16th birthday, then you may look through it.

Liam you always cared for me, I wish I could have done the same for you. I took so much of your time up. Remember that time on the bus when me and Niall threw cold water over you when you were sleeping. Hold onto that smile that you have, don’t lose it after I’m gone.

Niall, you’re funny and I love you. Remember when we laughed playing hide and seek and I found you hiding in my closet and when Zayn was on we both hid in the wardrobe. Don’t stop laughing. If you’re ever sad think of the fork.

Zayn, we never really had time to talk. You were too busy writing songs and I seemed to always be ill but the time we spent on the bus, I’ll never forget it. Don’t forget the time when we hung our heads out the bus’s window and stuck our tongues out like dogs. Liam nearly killed us both. That was funny.

Louis, my freaky best friend. Please don’t get upset that I’m leaving. Just stay happy and have fun with the boys. They need you, especially Harry. You two need to look out for each other. I’m sorry I made a mess in your room with Niall. I love you.

Lastly Harry, you found me in that carehome. You saved me from being in there for the rest of my miserable life. You made my life so much better. All of you did. I’m going to miss you Harry. You’re one in a million.

I love you guys so much. I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done. You’ve fixed me and now you’ve saved me. Watching you guys sleep; this is what it’s going to be like. Don’t be upset guys, I’m begging you. 1 day of crying then smile when you think of me. Think of all the great days we’ve had and all the songs I’ve helped write. Don’t forget me. I wasn’t supposed to cry when I wrote this. Guess you’ll know why the page is wet now. I can’t bare to lose you but if it’s time to go then I must. I love you so much and I wish I could express it and tell you it all the time.

Dream of me, in the darkness nights I’ll be watching over you. Your personal guardian angel and I’ll be behind you all the way through. Dream big and live big in memory of me.

Love Emily xxx Goodbye boys

Niall stood up and came to the side of my bed.

“We won’t leave you Emily, I have to save you” he whispered through the tears before leaving. I don’t want him to be upset. This is all my fault.

“Liam, I don’t want him to blame himself” I said.

“Don’t give up before I bring him back. I’m not leaving you” Liam kissed my forehead and ran out. Harry and Zayn were standing in the corner, all close to crying.

“Guys I’m sorry. I didn’t want to put you through this” I said. Harry came next to the bed and sat on the seat.

“Emily, you’re the best thing we’ve had in our life’s, don’t think you’re a burden to us” Harry said and stroked my hand.

 “I told you, I look up to you Em, you got these boys in order” Zayn said and leaned against the wall. I closed my eyes.

“Don’t sleep Em, just wait for them. Stay strong please” Harry whimpered. I opened my eyes again to see Harry crying onto my bed. I ruffled his hair.

“Please don’t be sad” I asked. The door opened and Niall and Liam walked back in.

“Couldn’t stay away from the show could you Niall? Please don’t leave Niall” I asked. He came over and sat on my bed. Liam sat on the other side and rubbed Harry’s back. My family, all here to take care of me.

“We’re right here Em, we won’t leave you” Liam said. Zayn finally came over and took my hand along with Niall. Liam and Harry took my other hand. I’m crying, I know I’m crying. I make a moaning sound.

“Are you in pain?” Liam asked.

“Nothing that I can’t cope with. Where’s Louis?” I asked.

“He’s coming, I promise” Niall said.

“I don’t want to go. I love you, you know that” I whispered. They all nodded.

“We love you too” Liam said. I closed my eyes. They all started singing.

Your hand fits in mine

Like it's made just for me

But bear this in mind

It was meant to be

And I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks

And it all makes sense to me

I know you've never loved

The crinkles by your eyes

When you smile

You've never loved

Your stomach or your thighs,

The dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine

But I'll love them endlessly

I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth

But if I do

It's you

Oh, it's you they add up to

I'm in love with you

And all these little things…

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I was crying while writing this, so i don't know how you readers are going to cope. I'm near the end of this book now. I hope you've enjoyed it so far. I'm sorry if it makes you upset but think of all the other children who go through this and parents xxxx