Watch your mouth

WYM16

Suffocation.

I've lost my source of air.
Gag. Wheeze. Gasp.
What is this feeling?
What do i do?
I am suffocating.

I ripped up the sheet from my notebook. This was probably the third attempt today. I was trying to write, all my feelings were becoming a messy hazardous tempest in my head. I need an escape, but poetry was most definitely not my forté. I sighed and put my notebook to the side and layed on my back, Sza's serenades filling and engulfing me.
I hadn't seen my mum today and neither had I been to church.

It was a Sunday.

I sighed and rolled on my side and closed my eyes. Hannah, why are you so naive ? You allowed yourself to be situated under a roof with four slick young criminals. People you have never met before and left your mother in a home with your self destructive father. Why was your mother not looking for you ? Did she think you were with your older brother who disappeared not leaving an explanation behind ?

In school, I had been distant from everyone, even China. Fooling everyone that it was exam stress when truly my life was a mess. Of right now i didn't know the condition of my mother or brother. I rested and put my life in the hands of strangers who assassinated for a living. These people drew blood for the same materialistics i ate and wore . I slept under the same roof as them everyday.

God please protect myself and those I love.

I couldn't imagine losing my family. A bit of me is grateful for Karma and the rest. The majority is damn right scared and cannot wait for things to be okay again at home.

I decided to get out of my train of thought and do some maths revision. GCSEs were in two months and I played no games when it came to my education. I turned off my music and used my phone to open a past exam paper. I turned my alarm clock to a stopwatch allowing one hour and a half.

Sigh.
"Finished" i whispered to myself.

01:30:01

I went to the edexcel website and opened the mark scheme. After counting up my marks and calculating i got 84%. I beamed to myself seeing as last time i got 81%. The goal was 90%+ and i was getting closer. I got off my bed putting my maths books away and went to the bathroom. I picked up my toothbrush and began to brush my teeth , I sighed as I had forgotten my phone in my room. I couldn't shower without music, i ran to my room grabbing my phone and ran back. I put my music on shuffle and continued to brush my teeth. I stared at myself while doing so, my small dark eyes sitting under thick messy eyebrows.

Note to self : get eyebrows done AFTER exams so you don't distract the mandem.

My African nose scrunched as I brushed my tongue. I spat all the toothpaste out and rinsed with Listerine. I used Karmas black soap to wash my face before patting Bentonite clay on my face. I peeled off my PJs and stepped into the shower allowing my clay mask to steam a bit. I picked the shower head allowing it to lather my sponge and soak my body.

I wonder what Jabari is doing right now.
Sigh not giving a damn about you Hannah, so chill.

I continued to bathe my body and washed the mask off my face.
I stepped out the shower and wrapped my teal towel around my body the water beads gliding against my deep brown skin. I looked in the mirror and sighed, spots were attacking my due to the severe pressure I was under.
I scrutinised my face in the mirror, unhappy with what i saw. I put my hair in four sections amd detangled my curly mane with shea moisture detangler.
After doing so I lightly rinsed my hair leaving some conditioner on before throwing it in a pineapple wrapped in a silk scarf.