The Boy with the Whiplash Tattoo

Twenty

I stared at him and blinked disbelievingly.
"Huh?"
He chuckled.
"Thats what couples do isn't it?" He asked. "Feed each other?"
Oh how ill-equipped we both were for this. We knew nothing about normal, healthy relationships.
I shrugged, giving in, and opened my mouth obligingly. He shoveled a spoonful of ice cream in, dripping it everywhere, and we both laughed out loud. We still didn't notice everyone watching, as far as we were concerned there was no one else alive on the planet.
He leaned over and kissed the ice cream away, licking my chin and the corner of my mouth with his warm, wet tongue. It sent shivers down my spine.
"Mmm," we both said, at the same time. He caught my eye and grinned wickedly.
"Stop it," I mouthed silently, suddenly aware of how inappropriate I felt. I squirmed in my seat.
"Ok," he said.
I stared at this strange boy. He was that again, the boy who I loved and trusted when I was young. Not the silent, angry, frightening man I married 4 months ago. I realised that this man would be easy to fall in love with. He had changed so much in such a short time, and that thought thrilled me to my core. And yet, it worried me. Maybe this was all just an act.

Aaron paid the bill and we both stood up. I thanked the waiter and he smiled indulgently at us, no longer giving me that lingering, unabashed stare.
I hooked my arm through my husbands and he led me out into the street.

"What now?" I asked.
He grinned wolfishly down at me, his brown eyes ablaze. I had never seen him look so alive.
"I've never been to a nightclub," he said, looking briefly embarrassed. "Have you?"
I bit my lip and shook my head.
"Want to give it a try?"
I swallowed. Loud noises and too many people far too close. But the champagne and the excitement of us getting along so well made me brave.
"Yes please. But I think we're dressed a little too formal."
He frowned, thoughtful, then laughed.
"I came prepared," he said, and then as if from nowhere a shopping bag appeared.
I pulled out a tiny, halter-neck gold dress and matching shoes.
"Like it?" He asked, anxiously.
"I love it," I sang, kissing him. I couldn't seem to stop kissing him. But it kind of made my face flush and my stomach clench. I'd never dressed like that in public. It made me feel afraid.

"Come, you can change in the toilets," he tugged me along behind him, and we entered the first club we come to. The doorman asked for our IDs, we handed them over and then paid. He stamped our hands, but nothing showed up on my skin.
"It's a UV light stamp," the man explained.
I nodded as if I already knew this, but we'd already been waved on anyway.

As soon as we were inside the pounding music washed over me, filling my head and syncing up with my heartbeat. We stood on the verge of it for a moment, watching the swaying, gyrating bodies, as they all seemed to move in chaotic symphony. It was almost like one writhing, twitching creature.
Aaron offered me his hand as if we were at a ball.
"Will you dance with me, my wife?"
I smiled shyly almost as if we'd never met, and nodded enthusiastically.
We both didn't quite know what we were doing but we closed our eyes and just let ourselves be pulled into the rhythm and the beat. Our bodies knew naturally what to do.
I looked at him, he was good at this, he seemed in his element, so confident and proud.
But I felt as though all eyes were on me, accusatory, staring in unveiled horror and disgust. My skin felt too exposed, every hair prickling down my back, every sense in hyper-alert. There was a boy behind me suddenly, and he grinded up against me, holding my shoulders so I couldn't escape. Aaron hadn't noticed, I wanted to call out to him, but my words were stuck in my throat and my tongue obstructed my breathing. I felt as if I was being pulled underwater, and the sea was filling my lungs and I couldn't see.
I wanted to scream.
So I did. I sucked in a massive breath and let out one long meaningless cry at the top of my lungs. People looked round, but they misunderstood. They thought I was happy, and so they screamed along too, fists in the air, massive smiles plastered across their faces in a grotesque grimace.

The boy was gone, but I couldn't look round to see why. I was frozen to the spot. I heard Aaron, his voice angry and deep, and a thud as someone dropped to the floor. People were shouting and separating, trying to get away from the fallen person. The doorman was there, and he dragged Aaron away.
My limbs came back to life. I turned and ran, not looking back. I had no thought for anything or anyone but escape.

Outside finally I took in huge gulps of air, and they barely oxygenated me around the huge lump in my chest. I swallowed hard and tears streamed down my face, burning paths in my cheeks despite the cold.
"I'm sorry."
I didn't answer him. I didn't have the strength.
"That was a bad idea."
I rubbed my eyes, but it was more like I was trying to dig them out of my skull.
"You look amazing though."
I shrugged, still not looking at him.
"Let's go home." he said, putting his arm around me so I could lean into him. I buried my face in his chest and breathed in his heady smell. It was still comforting, despite how angry I was with him.