Those Cold Eyes ✓

Chapter 10

Zach pulled my back into his chest, and I tensed when he snuggled into my neck. His breaths unbearably warm, reminding me of that moment we had in the storage room. The memory screamed at me, telling me that I was making the same mistake again. Then I shoved the thought away, focusing on what I'd seen in his eyes: vulnerability, pleading. However, I couldn't really quiet the conflict inside of me. It felt strange—he was drunk, so, was this him? Was he showing me a truer side of himself?  Did he really want this? What would he say in the morning?  The questions piled on top of each other and swirled around in my confused mind, making less and less sense. In the end, I couldn't let go of the feeling that I was doing something wrong. 

His hand started to move again: touching me, making my skin tingle with apprehension. 

I wanted this, I wanted it so fucking bad—but not like this. I couldn't let him do this to me, nor to himself. I didn't want him to look at me tomorrow and hating me for bringing him home to my bed. He hadn't made the choice, he had been fucking unconscious!  Panic started to tighten its clutches around me. Would he hate me?

I struggled free for the second time and ran into the bathroom.  I placed myself in the shower, letting the cold tendrils of water rid me of the evidence of my response to his touch, rid me of emotions. Finally, I managed to calm down, but not before dashing my head into the wall a couple of times, telling myself what a fool I was: a fool for caring.

In the end I got out, grabbed a towel and went back into my room, ready to face him like I would face any other drunken guy lying in my bed after a bout of casual fooling around—with the difference that  I would lie on top of the cover, giving him space. But he wasn't there. The bed was empty, the room was empty—I was empty. Was it my fault?

 ———

Throughout Sunday, I did my best to forget everything about Zach. I imagined that it hadn't really happened. That wasn't too difficult as all the things that did happen had been really strange. It didn't help remove the uneasy lump in my stomach, but I forced myself to believe that it had to do with something else, food poisoning perhaps.

In the afternoon, I went around Seb's house, picking him up to bribe him into showing me around town. I know Tyra had volunteered but for the moment I didn't want her probing looks. I didn't want her questions or her insinuations that she knew something that she wasn't even going to tell me. I avoided her today because I didn't want to be pissed at her. She had every right to keep her silent about someone else's secrets, but today just wasn't the day.

Seb didn't ask. I realized that he was great in that way. He just waited for me to tell him what happened. I knew from his reassuring smiles that he knew that things hadn't really worked out the way I wanted them too. His silent support was precisely what I needed.

He took me to an arcade, which I would normally shun, but on a day like this it was perfect. We played, laughed, and the little bugger didn't let me win a single game when we played against each other.

When I couldn't take another defeat we went into a café, ordering two large ice creams. We sat by the window so that we could gaze out over the people that strolled outside. It was a time-consuming distraction, especially when Seb started to narrate what some of them were thinking about as they walked. I cracked up several times, and after a while I didn't seem to be able to stop laughing.

"Can I get you anything else?"

We both startled as the waiter's voice brought us out of our imaginary world. The guy seemed to hide a smile, and I wondered how much he had heard.

"No, we're fine," I answered, but the guy didn't look at me. He looked at Sebastian, and  he was very obvious about it. I rolled my eyes but smiled towards Seb who didn't seem to catch on what was happening. He just looked at me, the question written all over his face. His usual skill of perception obviously lost at the moment. Since the waiter still only had eyes for Seb I managed to give him a look, telling him that the waiter was checking him out. He finally seemed to get the point, resulting in a deep red blush. I'd never seen anything cuter in my life.