Shorts or sorts

Escape from Reality (SEP2016)

"All runners to the tracks!" said a sudden booming voice that came from the speakers.

There was an immediate commotion as every contestant gulped down their waters, hastened their stretching and started towards the opening of the striped black and white tent.

The sunlight streaming in beckoned me out, but I stayed hunched on my seat, my hands clapped together under my knees.

Do I go out? Do I not?

The decision I was about to make might look simple now - since I could always join next year - but then I thought about every person I'd disappoint if I chose the coward's path : Mom, my sister Isla, myself and..

Right.

I pushed myself up and walked determinedly to the flapping fabrics of the tent and onto the green lawns, where the growing crowd waved banners and signs of their favorite's name.

I saw Mom holding Isla's little hand while giving me a thumbs up - her beaming face glowing with pride - it boosted my self-esteem a notch. I grinned at them as I jogged to the tracks.

"Number 0394?" called the same booming voice. "0394?"

"Right here!" I said, waving to the man and coming to a halt in the gap of circling competitors.

My tummy fluttered and my heart gave a little jolt at the thought that I was actually going through with this race. It didn't feel at all real when I'd submitted my application.

"Alright, people!" said the man, shaking me out of my reverie. He checked my number off the list he was holding  before pushing his clipboard under his arm. "I want a clean fair game." he said sternly, looking at each and every one of us before continuing. "That means no tripping others or pushing or any other dirty little tricks, got it?"

We all nodded mutely.

"The first to cross the finish line will win the annual 500 meter sprint - So! To your positions!" he clapped twice in a 'no-wasting-time' manner and sent us off to the tracks.

I gulped, realizing that my mouth was dry even though I had drank 2 liters of oxygen water in the tent. My heart pounded in my ears, but I walked nevertheless with the other 9 people running with me.

Without realizing it, I had settled myself on the fifth track and automatically bounced on the balls of my feet - just like how I used to. I hastily shook my head before any fleeting thoughts could grab my focus and squinted at the finish line.

It looked like it was zooming away.

Focus. I told myself.

"Think of this as a friendly game, yeah?" called the man from the end of the line.

My gaze hardened and dropped to the ground at his words as my heart froze.

Everything seemed to slow and blur around me, leaving me stranded alone in a hazy world that caused me more pain that I'd thought possible.

That was how it all started.

Just a friendly game, he had said.

"On your mark!"

You scared, sis?

The racers dropped to a crouched stance with their fingertips touching the ground.

It's just a race - look, you see that tree? Whoever gets there first holds the TV remote for the week.

"Get set!"

Oh, come on. It's just a short run.

A neat simultaneous raise.

I could hear my heart pumping .

Then and now.

"Go!" With a blow of his whistle and a deafening roar from the crowd, the ten of us burst forward with speed.

Try to catch up, little sis.

The wind soared in my ears as I ran with all I had. I could see his laughing face and my breath hitched at how vivid the memory looked. From the corner of my stinging eyes, I could make out the blurry outlines of the other racers.

Is that really all you got? And you call yourself an athlete?

I swung my legs forward as fast as I could, ignoring the burning in my thighs and the stitch in my side.

I glared determinedly at Jamie, who was close to reaching the big old tree and forced my legs to take larger steps.

My muscles weakened, not used to running again, and knowing what happened next made me want to just stop and crumple down to the ground.

I wanted to stop fighting it.

I speeded ahead of him, past the tree, knowing that he slowed down so I could win.

I pushed my body with all my might, releasing a growl as I broke through the finish line, not bothering to check whether the others had passed first or were still behind me.

I didn't hear the screeching of brakes or the crushing crash.

I was gasping for air as slowed down to a halt, with adrenaline and pain still pumping hard in my chest, and without thinking, collapsed to the ground.

Wet hot tears were pouring down my face, I angrily wiped them away.

Arms circled around me in a comforting hug and I inhaled Mom's comforting scent as I sobbed into her shoulder, ignoring the sun scorching my skin.

I remember looking back, and I did so now, just as I did two years ago. Through my blurry vision, I saw the tracks I'd run through morph into a gravel road beneath the tree, where my brother laid bleeding to his death on a car's hood.

"He'll be proud of you, Jackie." Mom whispered in my ear and she kissed my head.

I didn't pay attention to the crowd surrounding us, at that point.

Jamie was saluting me with his cheeky smile as he walked away, past the tree, around the corner and out of sight.

This is for you, Jamie.

***

The headstone on the last row gleamed under the sunset, the name 'Jamie Wilder' etched upon it.

I kneeled silently on the cold grass and placed a single sunflower on the ground.

"I did the race, yesterday." I whispered to him. "Just as I promised."

"I forgot how it felt." I told him truthfully with a laugh that quickly died but echoed in the graveyard. 

There was a loud silence, where I took my time plucking the weeds away from his grave.

"I miss you." I mouthed and in my mind, I could see him ruffling my hair and smiling at me.

"Miss you too, sis."