16 October 2018 - Tuesday
Burkesville, Kentucky
Azhure stared at her father through the glass window.
He stared back at her.
Damien had been in jail for 3 years and he’d sent countless letters requesting her to visit.
It was her birthday so she decided she would visit so he could at least wish her happy birthday. Her 4-month-old daughter, Astra, sat on her knee, sucking the dummy in her mouth, also staring at the man through the window.
“I’m really pleased you came.” Damien said. His voice sounded muffled through the speaker that allowed them to talk.
“That’s okay.” She said. “It was about time. Are you well?” She asked.
He shrugged. “As well as one can be in a place like this.”
Azhure nodded. Her father had been sentenced to 25 years in prison for the murder of his brother Devlin. If he were ever released, he would be 84 years old.
“How are the children?”
Azhure looked at Astra. “Well. Brenna is five now. She started school this year. Cole has just turned two, and Astra here is 4 and a half months.”
“And your Mum?”
“She’s good too. The usual.” She said.
Azhure had no idea what she would talk to him about, and was struggling already to make conversation.
“Caelum came last week with his wife. I saw his baby girl.” He seemed to search for her name.
“Cassidy.” Azhure provided.
“Yes, cute girl. I see them each month you know.”
Azhure nodded. “Are you trying to make me feel guilty?” She asked.
Damien shook his head, “No, never, I’m just not sure what to say.” He said. He looked guilty now.
“I’m not even sure why you asked me to come.” Azhure said after a few minutes silence.
“I’m sorry Azhure, I really am. I’m sorry for everything I did.” Tears came unbidden and he dashed them away. “More than anything, I wanted to be able to apologise to your face. In hope that you would be able to forgive me.”
Azhure shifted in her seat. “Well, shit.” She put Astra down on the floor at her feet, bracing her in the sitting position. She put the rattle in her hands, and sat forward in her chair slightly. “It’s not really something you need forgiving for Dad. I still have nightmares about Devlin. Even now, I really do. I can’t thank you for killing him, because I don’t really know if you did it for me, or for yourself. Only you know that.” She sighed.
“I did it for you, to protect you from him.” He said.
“Yeah, well, I don’t know anymore. I stopped caring about what you did a long time ago. You hurt me. You know that don’t you?”
He nodded emphatically. “I know I hurt you.”
“Then you know I can’t forgive you.” She replied.
He made a noise that sounded like pain.
“I don’t know what made you change, or if it’s an act. I can never know that. I’m sorry that you weren’t a better person back then, and I’m sorry that I can’t come back here. When I look at you, I see the man who beat my mother and I see the man who beat me. I don’t know if I want you to be a part of my children’s lives because I don’t know if you really have changed.” She lifted Astra back into her arms and stood. “I can’t come back here Dad, I’m sorry. I’m sure Cae will keep you updated with what’s happening. But I can’t.”
“Azhure, please.” He begged.
“No Dad, I can’t.” She smiled sadly at him. “I’ll send photos of the kids so you can see them. But I can’t come back here.”
Damien let his tears fall freely, “Wait, just for a second.” He said.
Azhure waited.
“I’m sorry, for everything. But more than all that, I’m sorry I was such a terrible person and that you can’t find it in you to share your life with me. Please be happy in what you do. I do love you and I’m truly sorry.”
Azhure nodded, turned and walked out.
She made it to the car and had Astra strapped into her car seat before she sat in her seat and the tears escaped.
She didn’t know why she cried.
She didn’t know if it was because she’d just told her father that she couldn’t go back and broken her heart.
Or if it was because she’d just broken his heart.
YOU ARE READING
