Smoke [Haylor AU]

Chapter 16

Chapter 16:

Taylor's POV

The new year is typically the time for people to make resolutions. People are known to forget and abandon their resolutions. My resolution was to move on from Jake and my past. I decided the first step to moving on was by facing my biggest fear. My biggest fear was talking to him.

It was New Years Eve and My mom decided to take Anne, Harry, and I to see the ball drop. We didn't live that far from New York city and my mom wanted to finally make her wish come true and just go. There was business I had to take care of first.  I agreed to meet Jake at the lounge before our trip. Harry agreed to come with me for moral support and protection. He didn't want Jake trying anything. I also knew meeting at the lounge guaranteed a safe space with Ed around.

"Are you ready?" Harry asks as I drive nervously.

"As I'll ever be," I sigh and Harry gives me a look of concern.

"We don't have to do this if you really don't want to. Unless you have something you want to say. What are you going to say?" He questions.

"It'll be fine but I honestly have no clue," I admit.

"Well just keep in mind that he hurt you and to be careful," He reminds me. I can't help but to cringe at his words.

"It's hard when you loved someone the way I loved him," My voice cracks and I can feel another lump in my throat rise.

"I'm sorry Taylor, I didn't mean it to sound like that," He replies. I can tell he is apologetic.

"I know what you meant," I sigh in forgiveness and I'm sure he can hear the hurt in my voice.

As I pull into a parking space I feel my hands begin to tremble. After a moment of contemplation and by the time I get out of the car Harry is already standing on the sidewalk. He waits for me and then we walk into the front door together. The lounge was still pretty empty because we came as soon as it opened. I take a deep breath and scan the room. I finally see Jake standing next to the bar. I make the first move to walk toward him and Harry follows.

"You actually came," He says in disbelief.

"It is time we discuss what has happened between the two of us. I let you walk out the door with out saying much of anything," I explain as we both take a seat. Harry has made himself comfortable talking with Ed. He gave us just enough room to keep me comfortable while allowing the two of us our privacy.

"I'm sorry I could let something like that happen to you. I thought I lost you...But I also think you should have stayed put. You know how dangerous this is," He says.

" You had been leaving me to work all the time and I was sick of being your fifth or sixth priority. I regret all the things I've done to...to impress the people you were friends with or you for that matter," I reply trying to keep myself together.

"Why? why would you want to involve yourself in my mess of a life. You didn't listen when I tried to break up with you the first time! Didn't you realize there was a reason I tried leaving you behind. I stopped trying the moment I realized I was in love with you. I loved you so much I couldn't be the one to break your heart. I didn't want to not have you in my life. You should just been smart enough to realize that I was toxic. I thought you would eventually give up on me,"  He explains, his voice full of emotion.

"So it's my fault for not leaving you? I'm suppose to take blame for something that you've done and the way that you treated me? Obviously I'm not innocent here but I feel like it's all my fault. I loved you too. I couldn't live with out you either. I had to be apart of your world if I was going to keep you," I start to cry.