Fire Scarred

Chapter Three

    "So what happened?"
     We sat on the porch in front of Noah's cabin. I formulated some lie about being stressed about not remembering things and going kind of crazy. I felt bad for lying to Noah about what had really happened, but there was still part if me saying to keep Leo a secret. Well, at least until I figured out what was going on. Leo had to have been lying. No way had I died before. That's the kind of thing a person remembers. As I sat there, with more questions and uncertainties than ever, I wished for everything to go away and bring me back to normality.

     "Cor, I hate to see you go through all this," Noah said making me feel even guiltier.
     "Don't worry about me. I'll be alright. Honest," I said with a forced smile.
      Noah opened his mouth to say something, and then shut it. Opening it again, he pointed down the path, "Look, here comes Josh."
     I couldn't even see his shadowy form yet in the dark, but I knew Noah could with his sensitive eyes. "Oh. Do you want me to go?" I asked knowing whenever they were together they'd be acting like two normal sixteen year old boys, and that's not something best witnessed.
     "Nah. He probably only came back here to see you anyway," Noah replied casually.
     Before I could ask what he meant, Josh was plopping himself down next to me and asked, "What's up?"
     "Nothin'. You?" Noah answered.
     Josh gave a short laugh, "I've spent the last hour looking for you two."
     "Sorry. We've just been hanging out here."
     I looked between the two, observing like normal. Josh was dripping wet from the rain. He had recently gotten a scratch under his left eye and I wondered what from. Noah had dried long ago, but his eyelashes still had small droplets of water resting on them reflecting the porch light. His lips were curled in a small smile.

       I wonder what he kisses like. As soon as the thought entered my head, I expelled it, completely baffled as to where it came from. I do not like Noah! Not like that, at least.
     "How are you feeling, Cora?"
     I shrugged. "Fine, I guess." I tried to ignore the memory of the afternoon. "No, I'm great."
     Noah raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.
     "That's good to hear." Josh smiled at me.
     "Yeah."
     I'd never really had much to say when Josh was around and that night was no exception. With the lower half of my legs dangling off the porch into the rain, I reclined back against the moist wood. Once stretched out on my back, I had the perfect view of the sky. The storm was winding down a little, but lightning continued to scar the sky. I breathed in the sweet smell of rain and let it calm me. Beside me, Josh and Noah sprawled out, too.
    "Look," Josh pointed, "the big dipper."
     "I'm amazed we can even see it through the clouds," Noah said.
     I followed Josh's finger to the constellation in the sky. The clouds had parted enough for us to make out the shape. I closed my eyes and opened them to find a star flying across the sky. "A shooting star," I mumbled.
     "Make a wish," Josh said, his hand wrapping around mine. I fought the urge to pull away, finally understanding why Noah said he was here to see me.
      I wish for you to get away from me. "Okay," I said with pretend happiness. "I wish for-" I paused for dramatic emphasis, "answers."
     "Isn't that the greatest part of life? The mystery?" Noah pondered.
     I rolled over on my side to face him, pulling my hand free. "Obviously, we view life very differently."
     "We'd accomplish nothing in life if all the answers were handed over to us on a silver platter. If it were meant to be that way, there would be no questions," Noah countered. His face was relaxed, but thoughtful. I could tell he'd thought about this often. He had plenty of unanswered questions of his own. Such as why is parents abandoned him while he was still an egg. At that moment, I could tell he was thinking of his life's greatest question, making me want to supply that answer I didn't have. My heart ached to help him somehow, to wrap my arms around him like I use to when we were kids and tell him it'd all be okay.

     Instead, I flopped back over on my back. "What do you think, Josh?" I instantly regretted asking when I saw how his eyes lit up when I said his name.
     "Yeah, answers can be good sometimes."
     "Deep," I mumbled sarcastically.
     "What?"
     "Nothing."
     On a sudden impulse, I sat up. "I think I'm going to walk home now."
     "Okay, bye," Noah said casually, sitting up.
     Josh spread his arms for a hug, "Bye."
     Standing up, I pretended like I hadn't noticed the gesture. "See y'all tomorrow."
     I tried to ignore it when Josh's face fell. I knew I could never make myself feel something for him that I didn't, if only he could understand that. As I walked to my cabin through the rain, I replayed the events from the day in my mind. Meeting Leo had certainly shaken me up, but now that I thought about it I began to wonder if I was wrong to run off like that without giving him a chance to explain. Yeah, it hadn't made sense, but neither did my milky white eyes or my lack of memory of an apparently significant night that everyone but me remembered. I couldn't help but wonder if maybe a completely irrational answer was the cause of my completely irrational problem.

     I sank down in front of my vanity. I saw myself in the mirror seemingly ghostly pale. "Figures," I mumbled under my breath. Slowly, I began running my brush through my damp hair. The water glistening on it made it seem darker, a dirty blond, rather than its normal pale gold. I hummed an old lullaby to myself softly. I closed my eyes and whispered the foreign words. Never could I recall where I had learned that song, but still I knew it by heart. The non-English words were completely lost on me. I couldn't even imagine what they were saying. My eyes closed, I continued singing.