My passion for art goes beyond limits. As a kid I would always do something artistic. Whether I started drawing stick figures when I was five, drawing cartoons around the age of twelve, and now at the age of sixteen I'm able to draw from a picture.
But when you're forced to learn more about art and realize that everything you ever thought you were doing right, you were actually doing it wrong. Everything you ever drew till this point is wrong. They say you can't be wrong when it comes to art. Everyone uses art to express themselves, everyone has their own artistic style that makes them different from others.
But how come when I try to express myself it's all wrong? How come no matter what I do it doesn't look half as great as anyone else's? How come when I state an opinion on how to improve something, someone else shuts it down by saying something better? How come my work next to someone else look so bland and boring? How come no matter how much you say you "like it" I can tell that you mean the opposite?
My dream has always been to become an artist. My dream changed to become a digital artist. But my dream died along with my old self. My new self is now empty of expressions.
I force myself to be happy with what I make. I force myself to be able to understand others opinions on my work. My work? It shouldn't even be called that. It's not my work, it's not how I would do this at all. What if I want to make the sky a sunset seen? What if I want to make it cotton pink? Why can't I do that? Why does it have to be this way? Why can't it be that way?
Why do I doubt myself you ask? Because everything I believed in, everything I was genuinely proud of, gets destroyed in the sea of others success. Let's face it, I can't draw. I know that's an art teacher's worst peeve. "Well take my class and you'll learn how to draw." Learn all these concepts you've never heard of and apply them to your work.
I get that it's supposed to help. I get that it's supposed to make your work stronger. But why does their work improve but mine stays the same? Why does mine continue to be bland? Why can't I get the proportions right? Why can't I express myself like my old oblivious self? They say ignorance is bliss and that ignorance is wrong. But I rather be ignorant when it comes to art. Then maybe my dream would still be alive and I would for once not break another canvas.
So as I stand right before this blank canvas, I begin to wonder. Why can't I just be good enough? Why haven't I quit? This only brings more pain. So why haven't I quit?
