To be honest I'm absolutely terrified of the dark. When it's pitch black and you can't even see your hand in front of your face, how the hell can you be comfortable? Call me paranoid, but I'm always convinced there's someone there waiting. Watching. I can't ever sleep in general, I'm plagued with insomnia and terrible nightmares, but those moments when I'm able to catch a decent hour or two are ALWAYS in the presence of some glow of light. When I was little I never was afraid of the monsters under my bed, even then I deemed that illogical. Instead my young mind conjured up prisoners with huge knives who just wanted to hear me scream. Even then I was often struck with nightmares. I alternated between two dreams nearly every night. One was that I was running and running down white hallways with no escape, but the other was that the prisoner under my mattress would reveal himself. In my little mind I saw it all mapped out, he would cut me to the point in which I would scream, calling in my family. He would tie them up and kill them one by one in front of me, always starting with my sister. By the time it reached the last person--my mom--he would give me a choice; save her or save myself. Here I would always flash back to the time my mom told us children that our lives were more important than hers as we had yet to even unleash our full potential. So I chose myself. I was selfish, and watched my mom die with the rest of my family. Then the killer would turn on me and slaughter me anyways, then I would wake up. It all took place in the dark, so I could barely see. I wouldn't touch a knife until those dreams went away, and was still wary about them for years. I've basically gotten over my phobia of prisoners, but the hatred for the dark has only been amplified over all this time. Even at this very moment I'm a bit worried, despite the faint light I have in this room. I'm never quite convinced there isn't a man(not necessarily a prisoner) under my bed with a knife, and I doubt I'll ever sleep right with this uncertainty. Night frights just add to my list of shit that prevents me from sleeping, and I know even tonight I won't get a wink. I really hope anyone who happens to read this doesn't think I'm just being stupid or exaggerating for a pity party, I was just honestly trying to get this off my chest. I guess I'll just spend tonight writing about horrors.. Goodnight.
