Ashes

The Wait

Um, yes it hurts. It hurts, letting the person you love walk away from you. It hurts not spending a single moment with them, when you still can. It hurts, looking at the rain, alone. The rooftops screaming to overpower the emptiness. I guess, I wasn't the only one feeling alone. It hurts spending time with yourself, when you are, yourself, incomplete. I just wanted her to be happy. Was that the right thing I did? When the same time of the year comes by again, it breezes past the memories, abashed. We do have the bravest hearts to deal with toughest times. It's not only about the rain that remained stagnant in my mind. Was it the first coffee we had together? Or was it my empty eyes blindly reacting to love, when I desperately needed one?

Look at me, 37!,lost, drunk and a wedding ring on my finger! Probably, the most appropriate example as a misfit to the general society. My days are backed by my roommate's thesis on life. And as to why does it always choose him, as the protagonist of this play, he never wanted to be a part of. I am now, sitting at the bar, alone. Well this is my usual stop after i roam for the entire day doing nothing. My record of the attendance at this bar should be a legacy to be discussed, for sure. All the bartenders and the managers bare my company because of sable income and unusually sarcastic jokes on life. Which does keep them going, I'm sure!

How do i earn a living for myself? I am a part time writer for this magazine which i am sure is going to earn fame quite soon, credits, Me. My stories and articles have probably made the critics start a union, stating to find and confront me as soon as possible! At least, the magazine is doing well, with all that fame! Life is funny when we are young. I still remember the time when my mother was my biggest enemy! She told me not to play with cars and eat chocolates since I didn't finish my assignment. We are at our best when we are blooming. The most interesting part of childhood is that we can spontaneously decide what we like and dislike and people accept the way we are. How ironic it is, that when we want people to understand us, they don't, but when we really don't care, they do, the most!"

Time passes by and we look at it pass by. I can't even imagine as to how did I turn into this person. Life served me well. I have been married for three years. And today is my 3rd wedding anniversary. They say, it's falling in and falling out of love. They say, it happens only once. They say it's magical. They say it's a rare connection. They say, they say, and they continue to say. According to me, every one has their own way of looking at love. You define it the way you experience it.

I fell in love once. And, I never fell out of it. Till date, her memories flash past  as lightning and my mind chooses to leave sanity for a while. Even liquor couldn't stop me from fantasising about her. Her picture is like a painting which gets brighter and kaleidoscopic day by day. The desperation to see her again has made me accumulate all the love I have been holding on store somewhere in my little heart. Three years, is a lot of time indeed. Those tears, mind games and special places you spend time through out the day to just relive those memories or maybe passing the same place again and again, probably to justify yourself  that there is no glimpse of her, here, anywhere. But when the mind gives up and the Heart doesn't, that's the place I have been for quite a while now.

I was 33, when I first met her. It was funny how we met. I had spilt hot coffee while going for work cause I had bumped into a lady in the coffee shop. She hurried with ice water and spilt it. I mean, who does that! I screamed because I was experiencing some weather issues down there! How little things sum up to be the most important things in life is hilarious. We live this little life and then we die. What we carry with ourselves is memories, and nothing else. I was a regular customer at the coffee shop. Waking up, getting dressed for work, buying a double shot for the day and then returning home was my daily practice. 

One day, when I was early for work, I decided to spend some time in the coffee shop. I was going through a set of magazines, when I realised that my sense of fashion had antiquated. She came up to me and offered coffee in the most weirdest accent. I returned a smirk and asked her the reason for such a  service. She replied that people who are early for work are only authorised for such services. I laughed this time and ended up reaching my office late. That day changed my life. I used to end up in the coffee shop early, everyday.