I was running through the house trying to find the bathroom while balling my eyes out. Once I found the bathroom I ran in and tried to shut the door but my sister was in between the door trying to get in to comfort me but all I could say to her was "GO AWAY! I DINT WANT YOUR COMFORT! GO AWAY! I WANT TO BE ALONE!" After I said that the look on her face...she looked like I stabbed her in the chest and betrayed our bond all for a candy bar. Which I didn't I just pushed everyone away and denied their consolidation I didn't want my family's comfort.
I wanted their comfort.
As I was crying, I could hear my brother start to cry and someone yelling at someone or something to "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I began to cry harder than before and just hearing the misery going on outside and in the bathroom I was in amd as all this was happening, I began to have a panic attack and cried even harder if possible because I couldn't breathe and I couldn't calm down...it was my first panic attack....I grabbed my tablet and put in my password and I got all fidgety with the button because I wanted to watch Mark, Jack, and Felix....I ended up watching one on Jack's reading your comments videos.
Throughout the video, my emotions were fighting over happiness and sadness and so I was crying while smiling feeling sadness while smiling...it hurt...
Eventually I got to the near end and the sadness disappeared, I smiled, I was happy again.
"I love you, thank you." I said to the Irish potato on the screen as he did his outro.
The video ended and it felt as if all three were here hugging me to death wishing for my happiness to come back and stay.
Why was I even crying in he first place? My own father called me an ass...I'll never forget the new nickname I got from the man who brought me into this world.
Thank you father, for calling me an ass. If you never did that I wouldn't have gotten a panic attack, I wouldn't have cried for people who are so many miles away, so thank you so much.
The weird part of it all, I thought I ran out of tears but I guess you can reload if certain people push the right buttons and you'll then never stop crying unless you have the right people with you.
Which I didn't, they were all out there feeling miserable and it sounded like death was waiting for me if I went out but I'm sure my thoughts were a lot worse than what was going on out there.
I'm glad I found Jack, Mark, and Felix. If I didn't I probably would be dead or I would have never left that bathroom just thinking about death and just letting my thoughts consume me and I would be an emotionless robot who looked dead all the time.
I'm so happy. At least I thought so, but the pain is still there, there's just a shield waiting to be broken again. I just wish they were here hugging me, comforting me, telling me it's okay. I guarantee I will stop crying or I would calm down in the first 10 seconds. They're the only people left in this world to change my emotions so quickly and to make me feel comfort through a screen. Thank you, Jack, Mark, and Felix...you don't know what you've done for me, so thank you, so much.
Hey people, this really happened to me, in fact it JUST happened to me, my father called me an ass for stupid reasons. I just had my first panic attack in a bathroom and everything you just read happened and my thoughts were real and yeah....I'm okay now thanks to Jack, Mark, and Felix...just hearing their voice, anyone of them, seriously helped me and I really felt like they were here with me.
Anyways, thank you guys, so much for reading this, if you liked it, stick around there's more to come! And as always
Stay awesome 👊
Buh-bye!
