I figured something out today, usually that means you've become smarter, in my case I've got the feeling it's exactly the opposite.
So.. I think: Life can't just get perfect from one moment to another.
There's not going to pop up THE person that makes your life complete just because you really wish for it, rather it's a best friend or your soulmate.
And you're neither going to wake up tomorrow and understand the sense of life and it's purpose.
So we, or I and the few who are with me are doomed to question this day by day.
Questions like:
Isn't there a bigger purpose?
What are we all here for?
Is arguing about a dress being black and blue or gold and white really it?
Because I doubt it.
So I feel like there's just something missing. Like maybe I was born the wrong time, in the wrong family; on the wrong planet.
But that just starts sounding stupid along the way – like I need an excuse for being different, for not fitting in.
And that is when I end up back where I started, it has to be me. - Something has got to be wrong with me.
I don't seem to get what everyone else does, why we all just started existing –apart from the scientific explanation there is. And how everyone seems to be fine with how we used that.
Everyone at least seems to be able to get by.
I can't stop thinking about these things.
I mean seriously there are barely people that are not selfish, greedy or at least a little arrogant.
I'm not saying I'm not – I just don't get why.
Because at the core, all of those things seem to make humanity rage wars or plainly invented bullying.
It is just a matter of fact that everybody wants to be better, richer, smarter, more popular. A lot of people still can be selfless during that, but everyone has their flaws, mostly for these selfish reasons.
Point is: I don't know what the point is.
The world is fucked up and it is our fault, but no one likes to take responsibility. Especially if they don't need to.
We get taught all this useless stuff in school, half of it we don't really need, while important stuff is only slowly being acknowledged to be left out.
Like: Why don't we talk about sexuality in school? About mental illness? About why raping and murdering is wrong?
You just expect them to know that, right?
And that's why it's all about finding the x while the kid in the back is cutting and people around him either don't care enough to bother or judgmental enough to make fun of him until the seat is empty.
And then everyone blames the parents.
But what if they are just working so hard to try to afford him education and barely had time for themselves anymore?
Or they're too drunk to give a single fuck about it?
Or in the worst case, they're dead and that kid is never going to be taught morals at all. - At least not in school.
But hey, he knows how to calculate a square root, of WTF.
...
And these thoughts make me sick.
It makes me sick to my stomach that this what we've got to.
And I know that there may even be much more people as I expect that care about this too, but it's obviously not enough for it to change.
