Dancing With Keenan

Chapter Ten - Calm

Wednesday evening came quicker than I expected. Keenan and I hadn't had any more run-ins, and we had settled into a type of tense normality. He barely acknowledged me, only speaking to me when absolutely necessary, and for that I was grateful.

The wall I had built around my heart was only so strong, and as such, the less contact that we had, the better it was for both of us. Too much conversation could lead to too much intimacy, and that would inevitably lead to heartache and tears for both of us.

We were better off apart.

I scoffed at the thought.

Hadn't I been trying to convince myself of that for the last two years?

True or not, I knew that if I examined my feelings, I'd find that I still didn't believe it.

My alarm sounded, and I jumped in the shower, carefully avoiding the mirror. I rushed through that before hiding the dark circles and puffy redness I had become accustomed to.

Dread settled in my gut as I flicked mascara over my lashes. I had this gut feeling that performing with Keenan would be a hell of a lot harder than just rehearsing in the basement we once shared. Tonight, we would be in front of a few dozen people, laying our hearts bare to them with the songs we'd sing.

As painful as it had been to see him every day, I had already made my decision, and I had absolutely no intention of going into this half-assed. As Meghan would say, I dug my own grave, and I was going to make the most of it.

I took a deep breath as I shrugged into my leather jacket.

"You got this, Lilah," I whispered to myself, making my way to the door of my apartment.

The show would be at a dance hall on the outskirts of town. I wasn't sure how Keenan had managed to book us for a venue that would primarily go for country music, but I couldn't complain. Money was money, and unlike the bar from last week, the dancehall had a cover charge, and we would be receiving ten percent of that on top of tips.

From my apartment in the heart of the college district, it would be a good forty-five-minute drive, as long as there wasn't any traffic. I'd learned since moving here that traffic was unpredictable in the city, especially in a tourist city like New Orleans, and that it was a good practice to always leave fifteen to thirty minutes early, depending on the time of day and current traffic.

When I was younger, growing up in the boonies of North Carolina, long car rides had been a staple. There really weren't many places to go that were within thirty minutes of home. Even the nearest grocery store was a good fifteen to twenty minutes away, depending on traffic and weather conditions. There wasn't even a Wal-Mart within thirty minutes of my parents' house.

I'd been used to the long drives growing up, but since being in the city, I'd been spoiled by being able to either walk or take shorter trips to get to my destination. In the mornings, I parked my car and walked to my classes throughout the day. There was a grocery store around the corner from my apartment, so unless was picking up more than I could carry, I just walked there. There were restaurants and coffee shops within a block. Even a music store two blocks away.

I didn't need to take many long car rides anymore.

I hadn't needed to do so since before I moved out of the house Keenan and I had shared.

The realization hit me like a knife to the gut as I merged onto the interstate.

The only trips I had taken that were more than five or ten minutes had been to the house for rehearsals and the one trip I took to my parents' house two years ago.