It buzzes in my neck and brain. I can feel it coming and try to talk myself down, but it does no good. It buzzes stronger, manifesting into subconscious hand twitches and grabs. My brain swirls with a million thoughts at once, none of which are coherent anymore. Breathe, 2, 3, 4, out, 2, 3, 4. My breath is ragged and a struggle, as if someones hands are clamped around my throat, thumbs crushing my trachea. I forget how to breathe, sometimes going 15 seconds without a breath. My stomach churns, urging me to empty it of all its contents, but i refuse. My head pounds with the millions of thoughts I can't understand. Every little noise bothers me, as does everything that touches me (hair, clothes, a breeze). My muscles twitch and convulse and sounds take over my thoughts and at times I can't tell if they're coming from inside my head or out. Sudden noises startle me as paranoia sets in. I urge my legs and torso to move but they continue to lie like a marble statue. I can't even get my head to turn. Exhaustion strikes me across my face, but nervous energy strikes it back and I am further frozen. Every part of me battles another, but no part wins. We all lose here. My thoughts become poetic, and visions of faces and animals play through my overloaded brain. Why does it do this? I just want to call my brother. I write essays in my head but cannot seem to get my hand to write them down. My eyes dart around the dim room rapidly, searching for the demons I feel lurking near by. Why can't I stop this? Energy builds a pain in my neck, but I can't seem to move to stretch it out. My lower back gets cold and hot at the same time is it feels like someone is tightening a clamp around my spine. My eyes droop closed, but shoot back open immediately in fear. My throat tightens even further and feels red hot. Why won't this stop? My cervical vertebrate scream to be popped and release from the pile of tension they hold.
I finally find the power to move, and pop my neck. The tension release causes me to drift to sleep, my thoughts present but silenced.
I awake with a jolt when my phone buzzes and I simultaneously hope it is and isn't him. I quick answer it, without even looking at the ID. "Wil!?"
"Noooo. Ted's are you okay? I've texted you like 20 times."
'Shit!' "Yeah, I'm fine. Just trying to get a hold of my brother." 'So many lies.'
"Oh. Well, if your mom's gone, I still have our dinner." Her voice is hopeful, and it hurts so much to reject her.
"I'm not hungry, Addie. I'm so sorry."
"No, it's fine. I should have figured that you would have ate with your mom. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"
'No.' "Yeah. Tomorrow. Bye, Addie." I hang up before she even has the chance to reply.
'star-67!? Is that still a thing??' My fingers quickly dial then hover over the call button, 'what if it doesn't work?
YOU ARE READING
Life After You
FanfictionIt's been a year since Arizona's death. Teddy and Maura have gone their separate ways, but have come back together to remember the life that they shared with their best friend. Second book to "The First Cut is the Deepest". It was a year ago that...
