Life After You

Chapter 12

Tingling, lots of tingling.  I can feel each minute muscle movement in ten-fold.  Such a strange, yet comforting feeling.  I never want it to end.

My mind is empty for once, and all I can do is take another drag.  Winstons.   Zo and I used to sneak these in high school during midterms and finals.

**Junior year**

"Zo, why the hell are we on your roof?"

"Because we need to de-stress," she giggles.

"Okay?  But why on your roof?"

"Because we can't get caught."

"Doing what?"

She turns to face me, mischief written all over her face, "smoking these."  She pulls a pack of short Winston reds out of her hoodie pocket.

"Ummm.. HELL NO!"

He hand flies to cover my mouth, "Keep your voice down!" she whisper-screams.  "Why not?"

"Because that's cancer, in a stick.  Come on, you know that.  Plus Coach has a STRICT no smoking rule."

"Oh come on, what Coach doesn't know won't hurt him.  Besides we need the high.  We've been studying for 6 hours.  Our brains are fried and we are hella stressed."

"But.."

"But what?"  She puts on her best puppy dog face, begging me with her eyes.

"Oh fine.  But if we get caught I'm throwing you completely under the bus."

"Yay!"

I can't figure out why she's so happy that we're about to get cancer, but it's fine.  At least she's happy for once.

She takes one from its box and places it between her lips, lighting the other end with a purple lighter.  She takes a drag then hands it to me.

I breathe deeply before bringing the cigarette to my lips, "goodbye fresh air."

"Stop being so dramatic and just take a drag already," my best friend laughs.

I do as she says, and am soon coughing so hard I feel that my lung will come out.  "Jesus Christ, you are trying to kill me!"

"I am not!" she protests.  "Don't suck it into your lungs.  Draw it into your mouth, then swallow it with fresh air.  It makes it easier on you."

"Now you tell me." I roll my eyes and try again, this time doing as she instructed.

"See, much better."

"Yeah, still absolutely terrible though!  These things taste like shit!"

"If you think these are bad you should try Marlboros or Newports."  her laugh fills the air, and I smile.  It's been so long since I've actually seen her happy.

"I'll pass, thanks.  So when is this high supposed to hit?"

"Just keep smoking until it does.  You'll know it."

I take one more drag and I feel it.  My body slumps, my balance deteriorates, and I find it difficult to sit still.

"See that movement, that's your anxiety.  It'll slowly slip away and you'll be left feeling  fresh and relaxed."

**Present**

I laugh at the memory, my first time.  So long ago, yet still perfectly stored in my memory.  I take the final drag of the cig, then put it out.  I know better than to try and move before my senses come back.  So I just look up to the black night sky, or rather grey.  The light pollution from the city hides most of the stars, but a few still shine brightly.

"I miss you, Zo."