Journal of an A-Level Student

5th September 2016 - Entry 3

I promised you some CRINGEY stories about my crush, and I'm here to deliver ^-^

So in year ten and eleven I sat next to this guy in History - we'll call him "A" - and at first I just like sorta got along with him, as you do when you meet someone for pretty much the first time. We sorta got through year ten as classmates and then in year eleven, we became friends. At least, in my eyes we did. A was obsessed with Lindsey Stirling and he'd frequently talk about her with me. He mentioned how she followed him on Twitter or something, which I was super impressed by.

He also liked Pentatonix, and as this was something I was interested in too, we actually had a good few conversations about their music. He'd make me laugh and I'd make him smile and everything would automatically become better when I was around him.

We had to do this controlled assessment thing and I remember typing "you're so cute" on my laptop and showing it to him, and that started a whole new thing where every time we had the laptops we'd type random shit to each other or show each other web pages.

In the History mock exam, I actually cried a little because I was so crap at history and everyone else was just excelling. He was seated like a seat away from me and he turned to me and smiled. Damn. That actually gave me the courage to try in the real exam. Granted, I still got an F, but damn I tried.

At the end of the year, he wrote in my leavers book and what he wrote in there brought tears to my eyes. Here's what he wrote: "To (my name), you have been my partner in history for a long time and I have enjoyed it. I enjoyed making you smile and I hope you always do. Thank you for understanding me and Lindsey :p thx for everything."

I didn't get a chance to write in his book, but a week later I gave him a letter that said this:

"A", I love you. I try my best to hide it but you're one of my best friends and you light up my world. You make me smile for no reason, even when I'm crying or pissed off you manage to lift my spirits. You've been a real joy, making me laugh in the history mock and typing notes to each other in the controlled assessment. I stand by what I said, you're too cute for words. This may sound weird but I wish I could hug you. You seem like the kind of person who gives nice hugs. I've enjoyed our frequent talks about Pentatonix and Lindsey Stirling, and even though I still haven't read Clearwater High, I'm sure it's amazing. We should exchange numbers at some point. You're one of the few people that I actually care about and actually want to stay in touch with. I know that I might not mean anything to you but as you can probably guess not a lot of people are nice to me. You make me feel special and that means something to me. So yeah, like I said, I love you. More than you could imagine. I hope that, if we never speak again, you have a really enjoyable life. Feel free to break the law, as long as you're happy then nothing else matters. Steal a couple of priceless paintings, punch a few people for no reason, heck even kill a guy if you need to. I just hope it's really pleasant. Lots of love, (my name)."

And yes, it may seem weird that I kept a second copy of the note I gave him. But I wanted to know that even if he'd lost his copy, I'd always have it by me and I'd never forget what it said. He meant more to me than just a crush.

So round about this point is where the cringiest event of my entire life took place. Basically, at some point near the end of the year attendance for lessons became optional. Because I had a dentist appointment, I didn't attend one of my science lessons and when I got home I realized the lesson would have just ended. I knew for a fact that A walked past my house on his way home, so being the fucking idiot I was, I sat by the window for the next fifteen minutes with a sharpie and a notepad in my hand. When I saw him coming down the road my heart was going like super fast and it took me a few seconds to start moving. I wrote "(His name) I FUCKING LOVE YOU, GO OUT WITH ME?" in big ass letters and he was so close to my window goddammit I knocked on the window and held up the sign and....he just walked right past. He had his DAMN EARBUDS IN. I sat down in defeat and swore not to do anything like that ever again because cringe.

How CRINGEY is that! Like seriously! The next day I could barely even look at him I was so embarrassed! Even though he's not seen me humiliate myself, I still felt so pathetic. Then for a leaving present I got him a big ass chocolate bar and gave it to him as he entered the classroom for our last history lesson...and erm he gave it to the teacher. I was so devastated. I though he hated me. That when he came to find me and apologized. I mean, I forgive him and everything, it was only a chocolate bar. But *cringe*.

Anyway, so that's my sad little love life explained for y'all. Enjoy my suffering.