Secrets // N.M

Chapter Seven

"Night baby, sweet dreams." I whisper to Aria as I place a soft kiss on her forehead and get up, closing the bedroom door gently behind me. It's not late, not at all but we're leaving tomorrow and I thought it would be best for her to get an early night especially after the busy day we had today. We spent the whole day with Nate, did as many fun things as possible in the little time we have left and I'd go as far as to say it was almost perfect. Almost. It's not easy for Nate, anyone can see. He misses Lucy so much and it hurts to watch him in that pain because I know I'm the main cause. But I've tried to push it to the back of my mind today for the sake of us all, there's no way I was going to ruin Nate's last day with his daughter.

He hasn't gone home yet though, like I said, it's not late and I'm not going to make him go back there for any longer than he needs to. I sigh deeply before I make my way down the stairs, it's as though I have to build myself up to walk around the corner into the lounge because I really don't want to face Nate; not now the day's over and he's got nothing to distract him from what's going on.
I know I can't just stay out of his way until he leaves though, I wouldn't want to do that even if I could and so I walk into the room and let myself drop down onto the couch beside him. The room is silent and I can't tell if it's an uncomfortable silence or not because for me it's uncomfortable but Nate might just be too caught up in his thoughts to even notice.

"Today was nice." I start, breaking the silence with small talk; something I've never had to do with Nate before but then again I've never been in this situation with him before. Nate nods with a small smile as though he's trying his best to seem happy but we both know there's no way he can do that right now. "Aria loves you, y'know? She told me earlier that she wants you to stay, I didn't really know how to explain the whole situation but yeah, she's really grown to like you." I speak softly, watching the way Nate relaxes at my words. Aria doesn't know that Nate's her dad, we haven't told her yet but that's mainly because I didn't want to confuse her throughout the little time they had together. I'll explain it to her though when the time is right. "We're gonna try visit as often as we can and when you-"

"I'm moving closer to you." Nate blurts out, cutting me off mid-sentence. I don't even get chance to question him, only being able to mouth the word 'what?' before he continues. "I know you'll say that it's silly and I have to stay and a bunch of other crap but I don't really have a choice. It's either move closer to you or move back to Omaha because I can't fucking stay here – not this time. There's nothing left for me here, it's already too overwhelming just going places I've been with her, there's no way I can live here anymore." My mind is racing with thoughts as he speaks because never for a second did I expect him to just pack up his life and move hundreds of miles away, I'd even already arranged with my friends for me to stay here whenever I need to but if he goes through with this, I won't need to.

"Are you sure? I mean, that's so huge and we haven't spoken in so long since this week and what if you move and realise you don't like it and you're stuck there?" I know I'm probably rambling and to Nate I bet it sounds as though I'm making excuses for him not to come but I just don't want him making any decisions he'll regret. Because of course it looks like he has no future here now but he must have thought that when I left and things turned out okay for the most part.

"Danyelle, I'm sure. I'll go crazy if I stay here, I have to be around people I love." He shrugs and I almost argue with him by saying he does have people he loves here but he knows me to well and stops me before I even start. "I know I have Swazz and everyone but it's not the same. Aria's my family now and now I can actually do something about it, I don't want to just sit around being sad about shit I've lost when I've got her." Obviously, the sadness isn't going to magically disappear if he moves away from LA but at least he won't be surrounded by memories; I understand that much. "I mean, if you don't want me to move closer, I won't. I just needed you to know that I will as soon as you need me to."

"Of course I'd like you to be closer. I just wasn't sure if it was for the right reasons, you might have regretted it. But as long as you're definitely doing it because you want a fresh start and to be closer to Aria rather than because you think it's going to miraculously make you feel better about Lucy then I'm all for it." Nate nods, the first sign of actual happiness since we got back can be seen in his eyes and I know in that moment, this is definitely the right decision. It's crazy how I went so long without having Nate in my life but once he walked back in, I can't imagine him just leaving again.

"I'm gonna have to go back to my place, face the music." Nate chuckles light-heartedly but even that feels dull with dread as he stands up because he hasn't been back there since Lucy left and I'm sure he doesn't want to go back, no one in their right minds would want to go back. I stand up with him and follow him to the door, noticing out of the window that it's starting to get dark. "Keep in touch, yeah? Let me know when you land and everything and I'll let you know how apartment hunting is going." He informs me and I agree, a warm feeling of happiness spreading through my body as he speaks because this feels normal and I wasn't aware of how much I missed just discussing things with Nate until this moment when he's making sure I stay in touch with him.

I open my arms to hug him to which he returns, his arms wrapping around me and oh god, it's so familiar to me – even his scent which has changed over the years is still so comfortable and I missed this a lot. I breath in deeply, unsure of when I should actually pull away from this hug but Nate doesn't just yet until his lips press softly on the top of my head and then he pulls away. One of his hands grabs mine though and he holds it tightly. None of this is romantic though, of course it's not. There's no way either of us would be that way in light of recent events, in fact I don't think Nate would be capable of that for a long time and in terms of our relationship, we both know that ship has long since sailed. But that doesn't mean we can't be friends, that doesn't mean we can't love each other platonically and support our daughter together. "I regret not being there for you and Aria from the start, honestly I do. But I promise, I'm going to be the best dad in the world. I swear."

"You don't have any need to regret, it was my fault. I appreciate this so much though, we both do. Now go home, get some rest and I'll call you tomorrow when we get home, yeah?" Nate nods, finally letting go of my hand and stepping backwards out of the front door with a deep sigh, he clearly doesn't want to leave but we both know he has no choice. "I love you. I know everything seems overwhelming and difficult right now but it will work out in the end, I promise."

"Love you too. And thank you, y'know, for bumping into me at the coffee place. It didn't seem like it before but I'm sure that was the best thing that's ever happened to me. So thank you." And with that, he says goodbye and leaves because we both know the longer he stays, the harder it is for him to go. But it's not a sad goodbye, it's a safe one and for the first time in a long time, I feel fully satisfied that everything is going to work out perfectly.