Watcher in the Darkness, Book 3: Imprisoned

Chapter 17

This is the way it is; nothing matters. Nothing at all.

Most people don't want to believe it. If they did, what would the point to anything be? Whether or not a person believes it is irrelevant, though. It's the biggest, ugliest, most vicious truth in the universe. Birth, death, sickness and health; it's all irrelevant in the end.

There's an old saying about fate. Something about throwing a stone in the water, then the small ripples spread outward. Or maybe it has something to do with butterfly wings and hurricanes?

Whatever, it's bullshit. Small things don't make a difference. Big things don't make a difference. Entire species die out on this planet every single day and no one notices. A giant comet could wipe all of us out again, and our solar system would just keep rocketing though the galaxy as though nothing had happened.

There might be other life out there, but we'll never see it. There may be some divine force that created everything, but it doesn't care about us.

Happiness fades. Love is a chemical imbalance. Sooner or later, everyone you're closest to will let you down.

I know, we're not supposed to focus on the bad, bleak, or pointless. It's the little things—the small joys, no matter how brief—that make life worthwhile.

That's bullshit, too. Those brief moments of joy pass and then they're gone forever. Worse than that, every memory is corrupt.

The oldest known vampire lived to be six thousand years old. In the grand scheme of things, that isn't a significant amount of time. If the entire history of everything from the big bang to this moment was compressed into one year, we all came into being in the last minute of the last day. In another minute, we'll all be gone.

All of these things are as clear as a shard of crystal being stabbed into my brain. Without the haze of hope, love, or joy, the only thing that exists is pain. So, why stay?

I'll never see you again, but it doesn't matter. You'll never read this. You'll never know where I've gone or what happened to me, but that's okay, too. It doesn't matter what happens to me.

There is no justice anywhere in the world, but at least I'll be getting what I deserve.

Goodbye, Karen.

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