A State of Distress

A missed appointment and a sorry excuse

It was a long night. I tossed and turned uncontrollably. My back and mind aches. I know I told you that I'd begin my confession today, but under these circumstances you must understand.

I'd like to get things off my chest, if only I could muster the emotions. I feel apathetic and, even, angry right now. It's going to be a long day.

I received a call this morning from the doctors office about an appointment that I missed yesterday. I told the voice on the phone that I'd to help a friend move and lost track of time. Of course, I'm full of shit, as usual I hadn't a minuscule of desire to go outside, let alone help anyone move anything. I can't go out there, in society with it's hazards, it's indiscretions and harsh inconsideration for every man, woman and child.

I will say though, this feeling of loneliness and inactivity has my stomach all twisted up. I hate feeling like this. What do others do when they feel so anxious? Do others feel this anxious?

I'm looking at this guy on the television screen while I sip at coffee. He's handsome and confident and, I don't know, happy I suppose. I can only assume from his smiling that he is content and joyful. What do I know about that?

I can't do this right now. I'm sorry. Fuck it, you don't care anyway. I have no idea what to do with myself today. I'm gonna finish my coffee, that's what I'll do.