It’s been over five years,
Feeling like a caged animal, wanting to be set free from these desires that are ungodly,
That have me entangled, if I’m living in this sin, it means I have not been set free,
Set free from the ungodly fruits that in reality, will leave me ending with death, bind to the chains of slavery that I refused to come to terms with the fact,
But I will, am I saved? Because if I really was saved, my desires for the godly things will be blossoming,
Because the vinedresser had promised to prune me,
Crazy as I repent over the same sin continuously, just means I haven’t truly repented, and my words mean the air because I have yet to submit under the obedience of His will, leaving me lost in my sins. Religion is the façade, when your relationship doesn’t draw you into full surrendering,
I am left reckless not fully comprehending where I should walk, is the guilt I feel just shame?
Because the guilt , I should really feel, should be sorrow that leads to repentance,
That then leads to forgiveness and in other words, surrendering , but I am stuck here, repeating the sin I conceived, from satan's deceit and lies that had been injected into me,
Lies that love is lust, and that lust is love,
Heavenly father help me, put my thoughts on something more glorious than the empty promises of this sin, that is easily chipping away my hope to just stay fighting because every battle is like a lost,
What is Christianity without relationship, what is relationship without the warfare, of crucifying the flesh?
I am on the broad road leading to death, Lord I need you to save me because I just can’t seem to get it right, but I know the narrow road life is better,
But I am just sick of giving in, sick of living it, sick of the plight, I am just desiring to hate my sin,
But every time I fight, it’s a battle I never seem to win, I am just so torn within myself because I know Christ is my treasure, but why shed tears like lord, if I am not doing his will,
I need to see Christ has the treasure he is, he was broken and bruised for the sin, I am giving in to,
So I curl up on the inside, break me from the inside, because it’s my heart that’s corrupt , and broken, not understand how precious your shed blood was, so here I am, still questioning where to go, still questioning what road to turn on, lost in the darkness of my sin.
