Melanin

Prologue

Monday, August 27th
Montreal, Qc

5:59 turns 6:00 am : my alarm goes on. Today was my first day of being a senior. That feeling makes me smile : I'm done with high school, finally ! I put my slippers on, I stretched myself and I was already wake up !

I am so excited to see my friends, excited to see who's going to be my new teachers, excited to see who's going to be THE guy who has glo'd up, who become more attractive cause y'all know that it happens every year : you know what I'm saying!

I don't know why, but it's a kind of phoneme that happens every year and this guys'll be nominated THE "pretty boy" of the year : nobody will say it but everyone knows.

Anyways ...

I take a shower, brush my teeth and I eat my breakfast. Typical day as you can see.

Everybody is sleeping, I'm the only who's awake. I go to my bedroom and I look at myself in the mirror. I start to cry.

"You're crying for nothing", I tell myself.

I quickly dried my tears. There's some people that their pains are bigger than mine, some people have more important preoccupations than the ones that I have.

My name is Sophonie Winnifred ...
... and I find myself ugly.

I tie my short hair et I dry the tears who's on my face. I look at myself in the mirror for one last time before I go. Enough emotions for today !

Has it ever happened to you, to be discouraged because you feel that life gives gifts to others but not to you?

... I have this impression : all the time.

No ass, no boobs and no beauty : Jesus what a life !

Anyways, what can I do ? Have surgeries ?

I just have to deal with this piece of shit that I use for body.

"Girl, put a smile on your face, right now", said my subconscious.

I obey and I'm smiling.

I'm crying over my curves ... But they are not the reason why I find myself ugly.

I find myself ugly because I'm black.

I hate that chocolate skin, I hate those hair that doesn't want to grow. I hate my skinny body that doesn't want to have curves.

I never looked myself in the mirror and said : wow Winnie, you're beautiful today.

It's like a curse you know : waking up in the morning with a body and a life that you don't want. I am seventeen and I never had a boyfriend, I never kissed someone.

All of this, probably because I am black.

I shouldn't be so ashamed of my colour, I shouldn't be so rude with myself.

My mom is always telling me how beautiful I am and the society won't stop commercializing how natural black skin is "goals".

I really want to live myself, I really want to follow the "melanin" and the "natural" trends.

But every time that I am all alone, with no one, and that I think about it, all my confidence fall like a card castle.