5sos one shots

muke

michael's suicide note

+definitely triggering
+suicide
+v sad

or the one where michael has loved luke for as long as he can remember but luke ran out of time.

when luke got the call all he can remember is dropping to his knees.

he thinks he was crying but he didn't feel it.

all he felt was numb.

he was gone.

michael was actually gone.

forever.

as he held his best friends cold hand, he recollected his feelings and finally felt something.

all of the sudden everything was dark and he couldn't breathe.

he imagined that's probably how michael had felt that day.

everyone told luke not to blame himself, but how couldn't he.

it was his fault.

michael wanted to die because of him.

michael took his own life because of him.

he knows it and so does everyone else.

at least that's what the letter meant to him.

he could still feel the paper between his hands.

he could still hear the words in his head as they floated off the page.

he could still feel his chest closing up.

he could still to this day tell you every goddamn word.

'luke,
  I love you. I still love you as much as I did when I was 15 and knew nothing in this world but how hard I felt for you. god, you were so beautiful. and you still are. in my final days I realized how lucky I was to watch you grow into the man you are today. the absolutely gorgeous blond hair, blue eyed angel you are today. you were mine dream. you were then and you are now. you floated into my hear like a rain cloud and I never owned an umbrella. I know this all a bit much for you right now and I just want to say I'm truly sorry. I'm sorry for letting my love for you cloud my judgement as often as it did. I'm sorry you never saw the way I looked at you. I'm also sorry you never will. I'm sorry for never being strong enough to move on. but most of all I'm sorry that it had to be you. you never deserved this and for that in so sorry love. I never wanted to admit to myself that I let you completely wash over me. hey, that reminds me, remember when we wrote vapor and I blurted out the 'I want to feel your love like the weather all over me' part? it would be a lie if I said I wasn't thinking of you. I know that's the only actual love song we ever wrote but in my head I like to think that it's for you. and it's all true luke. I want to be the one you  remember. only god knows how hard I've tried to forget. sometimes I also like to think that if only I had just said something, you know? confessed my love in some grand way. but then I would remind myself that I'm a fool for thinking you could ever love me like I love you. and hell, maybe you did. but would I have been able to handle it? after all this time of desiring nothing but you, would I have been able to handle the real thing? at one point I thought maybe. you never knew this but I came so close to just laying it all out one day. I had it made. I was going to I finally tell you after years and years of agonizing torture. but then you met her. and I had never seen you so happy. maybe when we were kids but not for a while had I seen your eyes light up like they did when she came around. then you guys were everywhere. on the tv. on the radio. my phone. my twitter. instagram. everywhere. not even the real world would help me escape it. I hated her for making you feel like I've always wanted to. I hated her for getting to feel how I've always wanted to. she got everything I wanted. everything I always needed. she got it all. and you were happy to give it to her. I saw you less and less. but every single time I did your eyes twinkled brighter than before. I thought that maybe now that you found someone, I would finally be able to move on. maybe even find someone too. but every single fucking time I saw the light behind your ocean eyes, I was taken right back. back to when we were kids. right back to all those countless nights without sleep because my mind wouldn't let you go. back to all the crying I did when we would fight. back to the longing. back to the depression I felt when I knew you would never be mine. back to knowing I was always yours. and back to my love for you. it never went away. my feelings never changed. I'm still in love with you and I know that it's never going to change. I'm still so proud of you. you always said you were going to make it and you did. you made it baby. and I got to make it with you for a while and that's all I could ever ask for. I just wish I could have made it with you for a little longer but unfortunately I'm out of time. who knows what could have happened but I couldn't wait around any longer to see. I've been waiting for so long luke. too long.  I just couldn't wait anymore. and it's not fair because you had no idea. or maybe you did. I don't know. but I do know you won't understand. but I wish you the best and most of all I wish you love. I hope you find it in someone like I did in you. just promise that you won't make my mistakes and let it suffocate and burn inside you to never see the light of day. please don't waste it like I did. don't let it go because I never did. I will see you again one day soon. maybe then I will have the second chance I don't deserve. in another life, we are soulmates and I can promise that I will never stop looking for you luke. I know you loved me but not like I wanted. I know I'm not special and you loved a lot of people like me. I know I'm not you're only but at least I could say I was one. I got some love kind of love from you and that to me will always be better than none. know that all my heart and all of my soul and all of my love goes to you baby. I will see you again. it will feel like an eternity but that's how long it always felt and now it's your turn to wait. don't forget me luke. and if you ever feel like you need love, remember that you have mine and you always will. and just so you know, the darkest night never looked so bright with you by my side. I love you.

always,
michael xx

luke had never felt love like he did when he held those words in his hands.

luke did understand what michael said because he felt it then like never before.

he only wished he had felt it sooner.