Obsessions and Compulsions

1

Life has never been easy for me; and it never will be. I'm Luna Anastos and I'm suffering with a severe form of OCD. I'm 16 and had it since I can even remember. Everybody thinks I'm a freak and it's hurts like hell. Let me give you a look into my life for one day.

It starts with waking up. I repeat the same morning routine everyday or the day will be terrible and off.
I make my bed first, brush my teeth 3 times, once for germs, twice to look white, thrice to remove leftover food.
I brush my hair next, starting with my left side over to my right side. I planned my clothes last night so I won't be a second off on my routine. A pink shirt, blue jeans, and converse will do.

I count the steps as I walk downstairs and tap the walls 3 times every step I take. My mom made me some eggs and bacon. I put my orange juice exactly 2 inches away from my plate on the left side. I notice the eggs are touching the bacon and I throw it away and tell my mom I can't eat it. Before I leave I put on my backpack. That didn't feel right. I put it on again and again, at least 20 times. The 21st time it feels just right. I see my bus coming and I run to it, barely making it. I always sit in the 4th seat with the window closed.

I am shocked and scared when I see a kid sitting in my seat and I panic. My morning routine is off now. Everything will go wrong! I ask him to move, my anxiety overcomes me and he looks at me weirdly but gets up. I sit down in relief. Everything will be alright. It'll be okay, or will it? I forgot to check if my shoes are tied. Let me do that now. Yep, both are tied. Wait are they tied? Let me check again. Yep, both are tied.
This goes on the whole bus ride, and I can't control it.

I walk off the bus, avoiding the cracks on the sidewalk in fear that it will break my mothers back. It seems silly, but I believe in it. I always turn left then right to go to my locker, never take a different route. I tap my locker 3 times on the knob before I open it. 3 more times after I close it. I walk into my classroom and sit down. Immediately I realize I brushed my hand against a few kids.

"Can I use the bathroom?" I ask.
"Yes, go ahead."

I go to the bathroom, the same route as always and wash my hands 21 times. The scabs I've been picking at to remove the uneven imperfection are bleeding and burning. I can take the pain. I can take it. Wait did I do it 21 times? Did I count? I have to do it again to make sure I did it 21 times. My hands are dry and feel numb. I can take the pain.

The bell rings and I grab my stuff and go the same route to my first class. I wipe off my seat with a tissue and wipe off the table. I do it 3 times so I know everything will be ok. I do this every single class.

Eventually it is time for lunch, I pack my own lunch. The school food is contaminated. Wait, did I pack everything?
Water, check. Sandwich, check. Chips, check. Wait, can't chips give you a heart disease if you become overweight from eating too many? Better not eat these. I put on my gloves and put it in the trash. I never get near the trash can without protection. I run to the bathroom and wash my hands 21 times. The skin around my knuckles is red and burning like fire. I can take it. I can take the pain.

My last class is here, I do the same wiping down ritual but I panic in my head as I realize sitting down didn't feel right. Now everybody will be looking and staring and judging me. I'm scared. I keep sitting down and standing up. Everyone can't stop staring. Please let it stop. I sigh in slight relief when I sit down the 5th time and it feels perfect.

It's time to get back on the bus. Before I get on the bus. I tap the bottom of my shoe 3 times. I walk on the bus and sit in my 4th seat. The window is open and I have to put it up. As I'm trying, the bus driver yells and says it's too hot to close it. I want to cry. What am I going to do? It doesn't feel right. IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT! I can't do this. The whole bus ride I'm uncomfortable. I sneeze when I'm walking to my house after the long long bus ride.
Could I have Ebola? I sneezed. I must be chronically ill. What are the symptoms of Ebola? I have been feeling nauseous lately, I have Ebola. Oh my god I'm going to die. After hours of stressing about that, I have to do my homework sooner or later. I pull out my homework paper and I rip it.
NO! This can't be, this is useless now. I can't use a completely ruined paper. Guess I'll have to ask for another tomorrow. Finally it is nighttime, I drift off to sleep, without the worries of the day. I took off my slippers and put them on again at least 21 times before I entered bed. I start stressing about the next day and that causes me to think about breathing and afraid I'll die if I forget to breathe. This goes on for 3 more hours. I finally go to bed and all is at rest. For now. I hope.