I didn’t let him kiss me. He leaned down and I just froze. Everything that happened here was just a total block and I can’t believe for a second I let him do any of that. I mean I let him sun screen my back. It’s hard to believe this is the guy that I’ve been crushing on for so long and we’re acting like a couple or something.
God.
But he leaned down and his lips went against mine and it felt like the world was going to shatter. But I didn’t let him actually kiss me. It was a small brush. A simple, small accidental thing. You can brush something like that off as an accident right?
I’ve spent so long picturing when it would happen. The kiss I mean. In school, on a date... I never for once thought it would be in the water at a beach in Florida. It’s such a life time twist to my story I can’t be sure if this is honest to god true. Anthony kissed me! It wasn’t an accident as far as I can tell.
Ohmygod he is going to make my brain explode. How am I supposed to tell if he actually likes me or not? I mean seriously. Can you get any more mixed signal then this? His lips were right there. This kiss I had been waiting for my whole life was right there. Right there! And I push away!
I can’t tell if I should’ve just let him kiss me or not. Is that bad? I felt like everything in my body died. Just absolutely melted right there. My heart was racing and I wanted nothing more then to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him for real. I wanted to just die right there. I was pretty sure I was going to fall over.
How messed up is that?
“What was that?” I ask and jump away.
“I... I really don’t know,” he says honestly and scratches his neck. I look at him honestly. He can see me I can see him. Our glasses are back on the sand. No hiding here. He meets my eyes and I lose my breath. He kissed me. Me! Rebecca! The girl who would never have a chance with him just did.
Sort of. And then I ruined it. And now it’s going to be even more awkward between us. I can’t tell if it’s a good idea to jump into his arms and kiss him or just stand here wishing he couldn’t see how upset I look. The person who separated shouldn’t look more upset then the person who just got rejected.
Oh jeez. He looks a little... shocked.
“Sorry,” I say quickly and start walking back. The scene floods back to me - all the kids, all the parents, all the people there. They’re there and they’re loud. How do you miss something like this? This noise is almost deafening.
I reach the sand again and try to ignore the fact sand is attached to my feet. I sit down on my towel and slide my glasses into place. Why did he do that? And that whole flirty little throwing me into the water thing? And he said yes to sun screening! Sun screening!
But a day can’t change someones opinion about another person completely. Just because I’m here and like him doesn’t mean he has to pull a douche bag move and make me upset. I’m not just going to fall into his arms so he have can have an enjoyable rest of vacation and we’ll go back where I think I’m his girlfriend but we weren’t even dating. Friends With Benefits doesn’t work for me. Especially not with Anthony who enjoys spending his time making fun of me and fighting.
I pull my phone out of my bag (last minute grab. I realized I’ll need my phone and stuff, especially going without my mom to a Florida beach where Anthony and I are clueless.) We’ve been here a good... forty minutes. Pretty sure the first ten of that was walking here. Great. It’s only ten o’ clock and I want to go back.
