Dan Is Love, Phil is Life

Dirty Secrets

           It had been 6 months since Dan and Phil had started dating and everything was going very well so far. It was just another Saturday night when they had just gotten done filming a Youtube video. They ordered Chipotle and while Phil was in the bathroom, Dan consumed the quesaritos; All 5 of them. He felt guilty, but he couldn't stop the hunger that overwhelmed him. Phil returned to the bathroom excited to eat the quesarito but realized that there were none left. 

He gasped, "Danieeeel, how could you eat all the quesaritos and leave none for your own boyfriend?" 

Dan looked down with a guilty expression on his face. 

"Sorry babe, I just couldn't stop once I started. You know how I am." Dan said apologetically while winking naughtily.

 It took a while before Dan realized that Phil was giving him the silent treatment while he ate the last quesarito before acknowledging him. 

"Phil, seriously. I'm sorry, but we could watch Shrek if you want. I know it'll cheer you up for sure." 

"Well.. I do like Shrek.." Phil replied hesitantly. 

"Great!" Dan responded. 

They proceeded into their room ready for a good time. Forty-five minutes into Shrek and chill, Dan headed to the bathroom to take his Chipotle filled dump. Phil continued looking around the room when he saw something shining from the closet. He wondered what it could be. His curiosity got the best of him and he decided to check it out. He pulled the clothes aside and gasped in surprise. He definitely did not expect to see a big shrine dedicated to Shrek. There stood about a 6 foot statue of Shrek with candles surrounding the perimeter of him. There was a poster that was hanging on the wall that had the whole Shrek crew on it. The weird thing was that Fiona's face was crossed out with red sharpie. He knew his boyfriend had issues but this was strange even for him. Phil heard footsteps and felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and found a naked Dan painted green to place a Shrek ear headband on him. 

"I see you found my secret shrine." Dan said seductively with no shame. "You wanna come in my swamp?" 

Phil stood shocked. He was rendered speechless by Dan's unusual comment. He didn't know how to feel about all of this but he decided to play along for the love they shared. Dan whipped out some onions and Phil knew what to do next. He ripped off his clothes and bit into one of the onions. He began to rub it upon his pale, English body. 

"Oh yeah, that's nice!" Dan screamed.

 And then they ended their night with a bang to their favorite song "All Star".