pulse // supernatural

and everything is quiet

For a while, Theresa just wanders through memories. She laughs at Saskia's antics again, takes a walk in a park with Aaron, and helps Toby take his first few, wobbling steps. She returns to the beach to watch the waves come in and shiver away the cold breeze, and loops back to that day in the diner, where she pours herself a coffee and doesn't speak to anyone. In a rush of adrenaline, she chases the birds with Toby, all the way out into the ocean, and stands in the waves as they flap away to safer waters far, far out. She almost swims after them, but the memory fades and throws her into an armchair in front of the fireplace at home, watching Aaron almost burn himself as he throws another log in.

Heaven is okay, if a little quiet. She isn't one to have ever given much thought to Heaven and Hell, but if she was, she would have imagined thousands of people wandering around in a world of eternal white, and maybe some angels flying around overhead, not Toby running around the house covered in mud, leaving a trail she'd never have to mop up.

She wonders though, back on the shores of California, if there's anything more to Heaven than just the constant relay of life's greatest hits. Not that she wasn't enjoying the rewind, but every memory she had reminded her of someone she'd left behind. Toby, especially, makes her cry almost as much as he does laugh. She must have fixed his scarf a hundred times already, unable to leave him alone on the beach. 

There had to be something else, something she didn't recognise. Heaven was supposed to be full of angels, and God, whichever one you prayed to. And surely, there should be millions of devout worshippers around here somewhere. If she'd made it, they would too - she'd been to church, sure, but she was hardly a regular visitor.

Firmly convinced, she goes looking. She searches every memory in her heaven, finds every door and window and keeps going. Every step takes her further from the beach She tries not to think of her little boy running along the shore alone, his scarf slipping off because there is no one there to tuck it back in. It's not him, she reminds herself. It's just an echo, just her memories reliving themselves, like watching part of a movie over and over again.

Eventually, she finds herself back on the side of the road, lost in the darkness. 

Except this time, she knows the way to the diner. And this time, she turns the other way, following the road out into the unknown and hoping it won't look her back around to another memory.

It takes her to a river, wide and deep. The water sweeps past slowly, rolling over rocks it has long since worn the sharp edges from. The sky overhead is hung with heavy clouds that promise rain, and thunder rumbles in the distance. Theresa has never been here in her life. 

From the other side of the river, she hears shouts and sees movement in the long grass. Three boys run into view, playing a complicated game of chase that makes her smile. She calls out to them, not really expecting them to take any notice. To her delight, one of them stops on the bank of the river and looks her way. He lifts a hand in greeting n she returns the gesture. This is his Heaven, she guesses, his memory - now that she is really looking, he does seem much brighter than the other boys.

He yells something back to her, something she can't quite hear, and points up the river. Then, he disappears into the grass again, chasing after the others with a shriek of joy. She heads upstream, fighting her way through the grass. It takes her past a farm house, where an old man sits smoking on the porch, and an army parade, all dressed in green and grey, the rising sun glinting gold on their hats. In the very middle, a young man smiles as he stops and salutes, standing tall and proud with his comrades. 

The river takes her all the way to a creaky old bridge, just wide enough to squeeze a car across if you're adventurous. On the other side, she finds herself in the middle of a city, lane upon lane of cars zooming past an equally busy sidewalk. Yellowed leaves fall from nearby trees, littering the pavement and blowing up in the wake of cars. She's bumped by several people for standing still for too long, pushed dangerously close to the road, and fights her way back. She doesn't like this Heaven at all.