A Court of Short Stories and Fan Fictions

A lifetime of Happiness

They shouldn't call it morning sickness. They should call it all hours of the day it can hit you like a tonka truck. Because I have never felt so weak, so sick every gods damned moment of my life. Whenever Cassian tried to tell me it would go away I would snarl at him. Because he had the easy job, he just smiled and fooled around.

Now I have to carry this child for nine months. Nine long months I have to share my body to this foreigner and I have to endure horrific pain and illness at it's hands.

Sure I had been thrilled to learn I was pregnant. Cassian had been so happy he cried. That's the second time I've ever seen him cry in my entire life. The first time was when our mating bond fell into place. It was an amazing feeling, seeing my mate for the first time through brand new eyes. He had that same look in his eyes when I told him about the baby. Cassian cried and held me close, his hand rubbing my still flat stomach.

Now I could barely see my feet and I couldn't stop throwing up every ten minutes. And Cassian, fucking Cassian was off on another assignment to check on those stupid war camps for Rhysand. 

We fought before he left. I begged him not to go this time. I begged Rhys not to send him. I wanted him here with me, especially for the first trimester when things could go wrong. But they both told me this was their job, their duty to their people. It would only be a month and he would be back before we knew it.

Cassian kissed my forehead while I stood there angrily just letting him leave without saying goodbye. It hurt because I wouldn't kiss him. The bond chafed and throbbed with missing him even more than before.

But then a month passed and he didn't come home. The waiting got worse, the morning sickness got worse. But nothing compared to the ache in my chest, the throbbing of our bond that wished for him to climb into bed and press his cold feet against my shins.

I flushed the toilet and stood up once the wave of nausea passed. I threw cold water on my face and took in a deep breath as I washed my hands. The baby was small, my bump didn't interfere with everyday life the way Feyre's had last year. Still it was there. It reminded me that Cassian wasn't here for the big moments.

Like the first time I felt the baby. The first time they kicked. They had strength, more than their father and me combined. I wanted nothing more than for him to press his hand against my stomach, to feel his child kicking my ribs. I needed him to experience this with me because I wasn't completely prepared on my own.

But he wasn't here. Doing this without him terrified me more than anything else. Because he was the reason I was here, the salvation I found in one of my darkest moments. He was the first face I saw when I climbed out of that cauldron, the only one still fighting for me despite his injuries. No matter how mean I can be, Cassian is always there.

I don't want to live my immortal life without him.

My ankles were swollen, I could feel the aches as I walked back into my room and changed into one of Cassian's shirts. I pulled my hair up off my neck, the apartment was stuffy today. Then again I got heat flashes all the time these days. I sighed pulling open a drawer right as Feyre opened my door. She smiled, holding little Cala in her arms. My niece was adorable, all dark haired and bright eyed. Even her little wings fluttered when she was happy.

"We came to see if aunt Nesta wanted to come to the city with us today," Cala giggled as I tapped her nose. She looked so much like Rhysand it was unbearable. But she was adorable.

I sighed, "I'd love to. I need out of this house," I grabbed my shoes and a pair of pants, "has Rhys heard anything yet? Feyre please tell me he knows where my mate is."

Feyre looked pained as she shook her head, "I'm sorry Nesta. He's doing everything he can. Azriel sent out a few spies, but they haven't heard from him since he left."