My Tired Princess

4 (Final?)

_._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._ Her POV

"One day, I'll have to face it. I will need to accept that I'm not Chris's first, I have to accept it. That day, is today... He's never remember anything about me. Who remembers their second, third or fourth love even? No one. Anything I do could remind him of her, but I'd never know, he's never tell me something like that; he'd never trust me as much as he did her... He's never ever let me get as close as she was. Because of her, I'll never get to know him the way that she did; the songs he use to love, but now hates because whenever he recalls it, it reminds him of her. The way he use to smile when he felt love for the first time, in which is now a crooked, torn smile. She crushed his will to live and I loathe her. I hate her entire being. Because of her I can never see to side of him that he now hates to show, just because she brought that side of him out. It's only devouring me slowly through the inside out... Chris could never give me what he gave her.
I can stop this all today though, he won't remember me anyway, he couldn't. I then just figured out what my father said by,
"If you aren't number one in someone's heart, you only end up hurting yourself; with that being said, you need to make sure it's a special type of love, it needs to be one that a man will envious of. A bit will play with your heart, but a man will for sure pick up those broken pieces; you'll know when he's a man when he is will to do anything to keep a smile on that pretty little face of yours."
That was the more complex way of saying, 'be careful when you fall in love, it could only hurt you if you aren't wise about it. In a crisis like this, I wish I knew where he was; is he alive; is he with someone else? Did someone start to love him again? There are so many things that make me curious about my dad. The thing is, is that he's my dad, he knows his place, it's about time I found mine.
How could I have been so stupid thinking a boy, whose heart was given to some other girl, would love me just as much. Second best. It's all I am, and all I ever will be; to both the world and my entire being. I only wish I could be the one that's always on his mind, but... A girl can dream, right? I'm running out of room for this final letter, I'm sorry everyone, I wish I was better and good enough for you guys...
Love, ____❤️"

That's where I signed off the letter, neatly folded it and put it in the envelope. I made sure that the envelope looked nice and that it was presentable. Once I made an approval, I left it on my desk, the top right corner tucked under my stack of books. After I fixed my desk, I made sure that the rest of my room was spotless; I changed the curtains, vacuumed the hardwood floor and carpets, dusted all of the shelves and changed the sheets on my bed. I took a step back and made sure all my belongings were symmetrical and neat, not leaving anything looking too absurd.

By now, it was almost two-thirty in the morning, my mum had gone to bed almost an hour and a half ago, I just needed to make sure she was sound asleep. I peaked into her room, to see her sound asleep, and I went to back to my room, with a bottle in hand. I went into my bathroom and locked the door; I went through the a medicine cub-bard looking behind the bag of pads, to see a transparent zip-lock bag, containing my... razors. I started to feel the memories slapping me, feeling my lower arms tingle; I looked down at them, to see all the deep scars still engraved in my skin. I felt nothing; no remorse, no regret, nothing. I felt... content even some could say. I sat down on the edge of the tub, feeling the cold on the bottom of my thighs, sending a chill down my spine... I opened the bag and brought the old, mint condition razor to my arms and went at it, feeling the tiny stings filling my heart and mind with adrenaline, I felt it all over again. The memories, the pain, the excitement, it all flooded back into my mind; then I felt all the old scenarios hit me like a tsunami. I felt a pain strike the right side of my head, but I couldn't react to it, I let it stay as pain on the side of my head. I felt so exhausted after I stopped and saw the beautiful art that was overflowing on my arms. Once I was content with my doing, I looked on the sink and took the bottle in my hands, shaken and frail. I looked inside and saw that there was almost a quarter of the pills left remaining. Within three minutes of hard swallows and agonizing throat pain, I had downed them all, starting to feel fatigued and content. I sat inside of the tub and laid there, slowly drifting away from life...

"Are you all happy? Huh... Will you be happy now that I've finally went through with it? Are you guys satisfied that you've finally driven me to this point? I sure am..." I could barely keep my eyes open by then and my voice was coarse and dry. I was going to be happy again. Before I stopped breathing, I had spoken my final words.

"I'm sorry Chris... Forget about me... I love you."