Missing All The Signs [a.i]

three

three

//trigger warning//

*
It was now Sunday afternoon and Rien had just watched one of the best action films she had ever seen. It was so full of anticipation and suspense. She had loved every moment of it. She had gone alone, as none of her friends were available, not even Sadie. Her excuse was that she was dyeing her hair. Whatever.

Rien walked out of the cinema with a content smile on her face. She was happy with her choice of film and was glad she went alone because if she had gone with friends, they would've seen a romance movie. She would only watch a romantic movie if it had comedic aspects to it. She wasn't exactly into all the sappy love story kind of stuff. She was more of an adventure and action loving girl.

She took one last sip of her frozen drink before throwing it into the bin. Rien exited the cinema complex and decided to go shopping for a new pair of sneakers, which she desperately needed as her current ones were falling apart. She wore her black chucks anywhere and everywhere. She wore them so often she had to tape the soles to the rest of the shoe.

As said earlier, she wasn't particularly fond of change so she headed to the same store to pick out another black pair, identical to the pair she had on except clean and completely intact. She was sitting on one of the cushioned chairs, trying on the new shoes, when she looked up to get the attention of a worker but saw something she would have rather not seen. She spotted four laughing girls, two brunettes and two blondes. She knew exactly who they were, of course. She could've recognised them from a mile away.

My four friends, who all told me they couldn't go out today, were looking into the window of a dress shop across the way. I felt something inside me, bubbling. I could feel my hands clenching and unclenching. I was definitely not a very happy girl. I had instantly decided my shoes were a perfect fit and so slid on my own, battered pair and went to pay for the new ones. As I got out of the store, I walked up to the group who had their backs to me and tapped the tall blonde, Sadie, on the shoulder.

She turned around, looking rather jouful, but her smile faded immediately as soon as she saw me. The other three looked at her, confused, before they too turned to see what she was staring at, dumbfounded. Their faces all dropped as well.

"Hi there girls, fancy seeing you here," I gave them a sickly sweet smile that they knew was indeed deadly. I could see a couple of them gulp guiltily.

"H-hello Ri," Leighton managed to get out before I cut her off.

"Don't you 'Ri' me," I growled angrily, giving them all extremely cold glares. "I can't believe you all lied to me and went out anyway. You're all bitches." With that, I stormed away, still silently raging but trying hard to keep it hidden for the sake of the public. I could hear one of them call out after me but none made the effort to follow or stop me. Pathetic, they were. I couldn't believe how I had ever wasted so much time with lying people like them. I should've known, or at least had an idea that something like that would happen some time.

As soon as I was out of the shopping centre, I started to run. I lived thankfully only a few blocks away, in the vicinity of the centre, which was really quite helpful at times. My feet pounded on the ground, my worn out sneakers becoming further ruined. I didn't slow down until I was in the safety and privacy of my own room where I could freely let my feelings out.

I was angry but I was also sad, which made a terrible mixture. I was disappointed with myself for not seeing it and upset with the girls for not even having the guts to tell me the truth. If they lied to me about going out, who knows what else they told me that was untrue. Our friendship could be built upon a mountain of lies for all I knew. Although, I wouldn't quite call it a friendship any longer.

I laid down on my back on the comfort of my bed. I stared up at the ceiling my arms crossed and my eyebrows creased into a frown I felt would never go away. I traced the patterns in the roof plaster with my eyes but stopped when I realised it wasn't taking my mind off anything. I wasn't able to distract myself from the feeling of utter failure and sadness. Those girls were all I had and now they were gone, which was just fantastic.

I was to desperately search for something else to cling to, some form of hope because at that moment, I felt like nothing. I felt completely empty and numb and all I wanted to do was cry and feel pain. I managed to force myself to stand and make my way to the bathroom where I kept various razors for various reasons. I could hardly believe I was about to do it, 'it' being something I hadn't done in quite while but I couldn't stop myself. I picked up a razor and I glided it across the scarred skin of my wrist.

I watched as the blood dripped from that single cut. The crimson drops splattered down into the white bathroom basin. I felt nothing but a numbing pain, which I liked. I gave out a laugh, a sick and twisted chuckle that made me sound mad. Perhaps I was. I couldn't help myself so I sliced, again and again and again. The pain was addictive.

I hadn't done this in a long time. I had thought I was over it but apparently not. Maybe I had gotten better but I then started a slow decent back down, to which now I was at my breaking point. I was glad I finally knew if the girls were true friends or not. I knew who had my back and who didn't. The answer was simple; none of them did.

The thing that really pissed me off the most was the fact that if any of them were upset, I'd be there for them, helping them through it and telling them how amazing they were. However, when I was feeling down they'd go off together on a shopping spree, leaving me lonelier than ever before. I could hardly believe I hadn't realised their real feelings sooner and I was mentally punching myself in the face for it.

I quickly wrapped both my arms in a towel and pushed down on them. Applying pressure to wounds helped stop the blood. Although I felt terrible and loved the pain, I didn't want to die from blood loss. I didn't want my stinking father to find me dead on the bathroom floor surrounded by a pool of red liquid. That wasn't my ideal way of dying. I wanted to live my life, to its fullest, and die a happy, natural death.

After walking back to my bedroom, I sat down on my bed and just sighed. After my little adrenaline rush with the sharp blade, I felt pretty hollow. I felt physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I had already determined what I was going to do on Monday and it did not include going to school because that place sucked as much as my current situation did, which was a lot.

I peeled away the towel to find the cuts had stopped bleeding but were still very red. I gave a slight shrug and threw the towels on the floor then kicked them beneath my bed. I didn't want my father to find them bloodstained as it would arouse questions, which would be terrible.

I got undressed and simply just pulled on an old t-shirt. I didn't bother with pyjamas, I never did. I crawled into bed in my shirt and underwear. Curling into a ball, I let myself go, crying into my shoulder as I ever so slowly drifted off to sleep. Little did I know that I was only to be awakened to a new hell anyway. It was just something I couldn't escape.

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