Missing All The Signs [a.i]

six

six

*
My eyes fluttered open to find my pathetic excuse for a father in front of me. I clenched my jaw and fists, not at all liking the vulnerable state I was just, and still am, in. I mumble a quick 'get out' before he just shrugs and says he was going to wake me so I wasn't late. I looked at him in disbelief. It was almost as if he cared about me in that moment but I knew it was just an act. While I was away at school he'd become smashed and I'd come back to find him passed out in the living room. Typical.

Once he left, I left my haven of sheets and made my way to the dresser. I pulled out a pair of skinny jeans and a Memphis May Fire t-shirt. They were one of my favourite bands so I usually found any excuse to wear it out. Once fully dressing and applying some makeup, I slung my backpack over my shoulder and headed out. Before leaving though, my stomach rumbled. I decided on making a quick cheese toastie before leaving. Once cooked, I bit into the goodness and left the house.

I decided to walk today, seeing as it was a nice looking day and I wasn't really in the mood for skating. That was admittedly quite unusual but I didn't really think much of it. As I started walking, my eyes drifted around. I took in my surroundings. The tree leaves were still green but some going a little bit brown, due to the lack of rain and summer flowers were blossoming. I didn't know why I always found myself absorbed in watching the world but it ended up happening a lot. More recently, too. I guess this time I was a little too into it all because I suddenly walked into somebody beside me.

I was immediately brought back to reality from the contact with this person. I stumbled a little before fully stopping. Once my head was clear, I found a boy standing there with an amused smile on his lips, his dimples poking out subtly. It was Ashton. I knew we'd meet again, though that sounds pretty cliché.

"I was waiting for you to notice I was walking with you," he laughed with soft eyes. I couldn't help but feel embarrassed so when redness creeped up on my cheeks I looked down at my feet, hoping Ashton hadn't noticed. After a few short moments of making sure my face was the same colour as usual, I looked up to his gaze.

"H-how long were you with me?" I asked him, feeling kind of shy. I don't know where that came from. I was never shy, always straightforward and actually quite blunt. I didn't sugarcoat my words and I was blatantly honest. I was hoping he would answer with a simple 'not long' or 'a few seconds' but he did the opposite.

"About five minutes," Ashton chuckled again. I felt beyond embarrassed by this and I apologised to him about four times. He told me not to worry about it but I felt bad for seemingly ignoring him. I didn't mean to, of course. If I had any idea he was with me then right now we'd be walking and making small talk and laughing at his lame jokes. But no, aha obviously that didn't happen with me in the picture. We both stood there, awkwardly might I add, with an unsettling silence between us. He broke it, asking if I wanted to continue walking. I nodded and so we did.

Once we reached the school, Ashton gave me a grin and a goodbye before heading in the opposite direction. I didn't know where he was going and I truly didn't care either. I made my way to my locker and put my bag away. After getting out my books for English, I realised that Sadie was in this class. Great, I sighed to myself. We had assigned seats and hers was right next to mine. It was going to be an awkward hour or so. Maybe I could persuade the teacher to rearrange the seating plan. It could work. I just didn't want to sit next to one of the backstabbing girls I used to be best friends with.

I got to the room and sat down in my usual seat. I wasn't late or early, so the class contained people but not all of them had showed up yet. Sadie being on of them. When the bell rang I pulled out my exercise book and pen, reluctant but ready to start. As I was busy with writing, I didn't notice that Sadie had already sat beside me. I let my eyes flicker to her briefly. She seemed nervous and most likely guilty over what happened between us. I watched as she looked at me, not meeting my eyes but instead staring at my arms. They were covered by bracelets but she knew full well what they were hiding. She sighed lightly and shook her head before getting on with her own work.

Throughout the whole class, Sadie made no attempt to interact with me. I didn't care, quite frankly, because I no longer wanted to associate myself with people like her. As soon as another bell rang indicating the end of class, I swiped up my books and stood up abruptly, not even caring that I was the fastest out of there, drawing attention to myself. I couldn't stand being so close to that girl. I was better off without her, without all of them. I certainly didn't need people like them in my life. All they did was cause me pain so they don't deserve my time of day.

I didn't notice I slammed my locker door shut until I found other students giving me odd looks. I sighed to myself and just decided to stand there a while, get my shit together before I did anything else to cause people to look my way. If you haven't already noticed, I'm not very fond of attention. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. Upon opening them again, I was met with a nice scene. Ashton Irwin was walking down the hall. It was the first time I've ever really noticed him at school.

He was with his friends and his, sigh, girlfriend. What was her name? Oh yeah, Kaya. Unfortunately for me, she was stunning. She had long black hair that reached down to her waist. Her face was clear of imperfections and accentuated with almond shaped brown eyes. Kaya was as close to a ten you'd get at our school. It only made sense that Ashton would date her. I bet all the friends surrounding them right now would've gone after her at some point or another. I didn't blame them, I probably would too if I was to be completely honest. I couldn't help but wonder what her personality was like though. Was she as lovely as she looked? I could only hope, for her boyfriend's sake.

Ashton was laughing at something one of his friends said and his grin literally lit up his face. Everything suddenly seemed better, just looking at the happiness he displayed. His dimples carved into his cheeks and they made him look really adorable. He did a little hair flip, getting his fringe out of his eyes. Kaya subtly reached out for his hand, intwining their fingers with a little smile on her lips. I couldn't tell how she was feeling. She didn't look particularly happy but she definitely didn't look upset either. As the group passed me, I was about to say hello to Ashton but the fact that he didn't even look my way put me off. Maybe he didn't see me.

Or maybe he didn't even recognize me? I wouldn't blame him, I was pretty ordinary. I blended in with the other every day things. I guess I made no impact on him at all.

*