Shit

Part nine

I wake up in my house, confused about how I got here. What happened last night? The last thing I remember is leaving the ceremony, waiting for Magnus and trying to drown my regrets. Maybe someone in the bar knew me and bring me to my house when I passed out, I hope it wasn't some pervert.

Then it hits me, Magnus is gone.

Magnus once told me that if you repeat a word many times it would lose its meaning, we used to say random words out loud until it didn't mean anything anymore. I stare at the ceiling and I start saying his name out loud.

Magnus. Magnus. Magnus. Magnus. Magnus. Magnus. Magnus. Magnus.

Everything has lost its meaning, but not him. His image is still fresh in my mind, the pain is still fresh and the tears rolling down my cheeks are definitely fresh. How many nights does it have to hurt until it stops? I want my heart to go numb because right now it hurts far too much.

I lost the only thing that kept me floating in this mess, in this life. The thing about moving around a lot is that you need one thing to keep you sane, one thing that would always be the same and even if your surroundings change you have this little thing to hold to. Magnus was my anchor, it was the only thing that kept me from going insane in this world full of human beings.

I start hugging my pillow, and without noticing, I fall asleep again. I wake up hours later and I feel like I'm missing something. I know that there's something not right, and it takes me a while to remember. My best friend is gone. It was silly of me to rely so much on one person.

Is like waking from a bad dream, you are happy that is over but in this case, I'm afraid that is not a silly dream and there's not any hope in waking up from this nightmare.

Who said that friends don't break hearts too?