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Introduction

For the short time I've been breathing on this earth I've had two serious relationships and three stupid love stories. My first serious relationship was with a hick. And when I get to the part about the third of the three love stories I was involved in, you'll question why I dated a hick. I know that because I still question my own self on that. Anyways. I didn't know him and he didn't know me but I guess I looked physically appealing enough to maybe think my personality was among the normal. He was the first guy that had ever paid me any attention and I promise you I thought I deserved all the eyes. Around the time he asked me out, years ago, I had long brown hair with noticeably bleached blonde ends. My eyes were a bright green color with a yellow ring around my pupil, and I know what you're thinking if they were they still are but they aren't bright anymore. If they were bright green I would have said are, being the all so literate person I am, but they just so happen to be a dull tired green now. No, not because it sounds deep to write in a sappy story about all my ex-lovers but because for the past four years of my life when the sun comes down the Netflix comes on. just to clarify.  Now, getting back on the subject of my first 'love'. Thank the universe this isn't an audible because I definitely laughed while calling him a lover, not because how stupid he is but because I actually did used to be in love with him. Quite frankly that scares me because if I could fall in love with someone like him, I'm surprised I haven't tried flirting with a stapler. Both around the same IQ level.
                It's weird because most of my favorite memories of him are just dreams I've had of him. It's strange because the dreams weren't even all that great. I mean you'd expect something romantic and cute but usually we were just swinging on a park bench. And it's odd because we were together more times than not and the only fond memories I have are fiction. Also, it's kind of funny. Well funny on my part, devastating on his. I had a tendency to breakup with him. I would actually end it with him because he just plain and simple got on my nerves, but not to worry everyone new we'd both send Romeo and Juliet texts only a month or two later and be right back in the same boat. The first time I broke up with him I blamed it on having surgery. Everyone knows that whole lie of a sentence "too much stress for a relationship." Just to let you know, if anyone ever tells you that, under and circumstances, I promise you it's a load of bull. Take it from someone that has used it not once, not twice, but three whopping times. And zero of the three times this was true. Another famous line of mine was "You just don't understand!" probably the most dramatic and over emphasized statement of departure I've yet to use. Also the most untrue. To be completely honest all the guys I've dated and talked to seemed to understand me a lot, well except for the hick, but he didn't really understand anything. Basically any line I've ever used to break up with someone was a lie. They were also all over text. Yes, like I said before I am an all so literate person, over text. If I were to say any of these awful and quite inhuman lines to any of these guys I promise you'd see the word 'lie' in a bold black sharpie smudged all over my face. So I keep it short and simple and possibly heartbreaking, every time. Perfect recipe if you know you'll probably want them back. It's a known fact that everyone wants the person that hurts them. So what do I do? Break their scrappy hearts. Now, by the time you reach this sentence in this story you already believe that I am a soulless monster. But in fact, I am not. That is if we aren't talking about relationships. I'm just a genius at those and that makes me seem bad at them but really, am I? All of my logic is quite clear and undeniably true. It seems to work for me pretty well. That is on the rare occasion that my feelings come into place. Don't get me wrong, I do have feelings. And very deep ones at that, but I'm also very sarcastic. And mixing the two results in a blog like this one.

Like I was saying, I was in love with the very strict church going hick, in my defense, he has slightly good hair. Depends on the day you met him. I still do the whole Taylor swift thing and keep all of our things in a box in my closet, for memory purposes only. And I know what you're thinking, why would you want memories with someone you're currently trashing in a blog at this very moment? Well to be completely honest he wasn't all that bad of a person. In fact, I was actually really happy with him at one point despite all that I've confessed. He was sweet but just that sweet nobody really cares for long term. Everyone wants a sweet boyfriend until you get a sweet boyfriend. Girls want dangerous I guess you could say. Partly why being a fuck boy works out pretty well for most people. That is if you're doing it right. Which, none of the three people I talk about today did. The only one that was overly good at being an f boy isn't mentioned in this blog and never will be. For reasons I am ashamed to write. Anyways, I'm pretty sure that covers all about the hick. I feel like I could right so much more on him, being that we dated the longest but I feel like the one adjective describes him well. Next, is a bit more complicated. It's only complicated because there were times I wanted to date him and there were other times I was making myself. By the end of this 'blog' you'll realize that I never do things once, twice and more is the goal. So, I dated this guy twice but it honestly was so much more than that. This is guy was my best friend. I loved him so much it was insane. The only problem was that I wasn't in love with him. Typical. Why did I date him? Now he didn't make me but to tell you the truth I knew that if I didn't he would leave me. I knew it because the first time we dated I told him that I just desperately wanted to be his best friend, and of course he didn't understand. And that's super important because this was quite possibly my favorite and my fragile relationship out of the three. In fact, there are days I still miss him. Although, he is dating one of my best friends. I don't crave to kiss him. I crave to call him and talk on the phone like how we used to do. And I want to hug him not because I'm in love with him but because I love him. Because I miss him. I lost my best friend. Technically he shouldn't even be included in this writing but he comes to my mind every time someone asks me about my 'love life'. We tragically just don't talk anymore, partly because he is dating my best friend. Most girls would be mad at their so called 'friend' for this, and of course I was and sometimes I still am some days. But it only takes a couple minutes to forgive her because I know that she's happy. The only problem is that if I even texted him I know she'd get the wrong impression and that is not on my to do list for today. So I've come to terms with the fact that he was a then thing not a now thing. When I see him in the halls or with my friends I always want to smile or wave or yell his name until my throat burns, but I just stand there. Ex best friends are so overrated.