Seven Letters After You

Letter #5

     My insomnia has returned.

     I now know how my father felt when my mother passed. Though our cases are extremely different in many ways, I believe mine is harsher. You left without warning. At least my father had time to prepare.

     'I miss you,' cannot describe the hollowness I feel. My fingers feel empty without something to hold. When I walked back to our apartment, I had hoped it had all been some sort of twisted joke. I wished you were there to greet me when I arrived the way you used to. You would call my name and pull me into your arms. But this time, all I was greeted with was the harsh reality.

     Your scent still lingers through the rooms. It's almost like you're here, but you're not.

     When I walked into the kitchen, I stared at the empty space which you used to occupy. I couldn't help it when I fell to my knees as tsunami waves stormed out of my eyes. You weren't there to pick me up and tell me everything was alright. You weren't there at all.

     Before this letter is soaked in sorrowful tears like the last one, I will continue.

     Here's day five of thoughts which hurt too much to say aloud.

     We became addicted to each other.

     We kissed whenever we got the chance to; finding any excuse to come in physical contact with each other. As cheesy as this may sound, we were magnets. Opposite in every way, yet we went together.

     You had a hard time saying no to Becky at first, which caused problems. I was extremely jealous, even though you had already chosen me. I had never been in a relationship before, and I thought you would still go back to her. She kept trying to get closer to you. You even admitted that it was uncomfortable, but did nothing about it.

     Not only did it frustrate me, but it made me feel insecure. We weren't completely official at the time. You hadn't asked me to be your girlfriend. To be quite honest, we fought a lot at the start. You weren't happy with Ethan hanging around me either. We wanted each other so bad that we wanted every single threat out of each other's lives.

     After a month of regular arguments, you eventually distanced yourself from the viper, and respectfully, I did the same with Ethan. You told her bluntly that you wanted me, not her. However, she still stuck around and claimed to be your 'close friend'. She grew to hate me, and would take any opportunity to try to hurt me. You chose me, not her.

     I had gym with her. Whenever she tried pulling something, it would never work. You had trained me so well; I could beat her at any given sport. She wasn't the most athletic person anyways. She even tried to get other girls to gang up on me, but nothing bothered me.

     You were the only thing I focused on.
     I didn't give a damn about what anyone else thought.

     At that point of time, I still didn't know what we were. We had never technically asked each other to be 'boyfriend or girlfriend', but we kissed every time we got the chance to.

     It was funny, because we were completely comfortable talking about almost anything else. But when it came to our relationship status, we were both too shy. Everyone around us assumed we were already dating though.

     We did what most other couples did. We held hands at the movies, kissed on New Years, cuddled, talked about our future together, and etc.

     It was too good to be true.

     You were my other half.

     Before the school year ended on a lovely spring day, we took a walk in the woods together. Budding branches and blossoming flowers were everywhere, and the sound of different species of birds chirping echoed throughout the forest. We walked hand in hand with no particular destination in mind.