~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Marisol~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marisol's house in Augusta, Georgia.
Monday, May 22,2013
7:56 am
I was fine. I ran through the fields of daisies, my favorite flower. Next thing I know the ground is shaking and my name is being called by this unfamiliar voice. The field decays and I start falling...deeper into the abyss...the more I move the faster I go...it gets darker... Pitch black. I become more aware of my senses.
I hear my mom yelling at me so I open my eyes to this short, angry lady with brown eyes, dark brown hair, and perfectly even olive colored skin.
"Mar Mar! Wake up now! You're going to be late for school and we're going to talk later about all of this."
She points to someone in the corner of my room and a bottle on the floor. I rub my eyes and look at the person and see what the bottle is. ugh so caught. My boyfriend and a bottle of alcohol that is so not mine... I don't drink mom and trust me we didn't do a thing.Calm your tits...
I look at Noah as he sits there playing with his fingers. He's so perfect. I just can't describe him.. it's just too much for me to handle... I'll get over it. I face my mom.
"So Um about that?"
She instantly slit her eyes and her voice went really deep and loud that I almost fell back and hit my head on my headboard.
"Save it Ysabelle! I've had enough. You and him are done. I'm tired and so over it! I don't want him to be around you ever again. This is the end of it!"
I hated when she called me Ysabelle. It makes me think she forgot my first name... She's always out to get me. Finding every little thing wrong with me! I hate that she finds my relationship as such a bad thing. I need support, mother, not criticism.
"Look,mom. Seriously?... you know what you need to do? CALM DOWN. It's not a big deal. I didn't drink a thing! I didn't do anything with Noah and we didn't plan too! You're treating me like I'm nine. I am not any age younger than 15. I'm 15!! I think I know what's right from wrong. Yes Noah does things you don't approve of, BUT that shouldn't matter. You don't have to deal with it because it's NOT your relationship. So who are you to decide the end of my relationship!? Please tell me who you are?! I'm at the point where I'm ready to just move out!
I got up and pushed passed her. She stumbled back and looked at me. I ignored her and walked over to Noah.
"I'll meet you in the car...give me a few." He nodded and headed downstairs to his car. As he walked out the door my mom glared at me. I folded my arms and glared back.
"You need to fix your attitude..."
I walked into my closet and searched for clothes to wear. "Hmm maybe you should mind your own business and maybe...just maybe...my attitude towards you would be positive."
I grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and closed the closet doors.I turned to face her again. "Can you get out? Like now? The door is right there." I pointed to the door and smiled. She looked at me with anger in her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something then shut it. She fiercely turned and walked out my room. FINALLY.
I threw on the clothes. No need to try to look good. Decent is good enough.. I already have a boyfriend so who am I trying to impress? huh? That's what I thought...no one...except um Christopher Andrews and Alexander Henry...Sigh why is my life so complicated...
I washed my face, brushed my teeth and hair. I went through my accessory box and found my white and black polka dot bow to match my outfit. I slid it into the right side of my head and checked myself out in my full-length mirror. Perfect. I grabbed my phone, house key, and backpack and strolled down the stairs and out the door to Noah's car. I opened the door and hopped in. I looked at him and realized how into his phone he was. I couldn't see what he was looking at...He didn't even realize I was in the car until I waved my hands in front of his screen and pouted. He looked up and smiled.
"Sorry.. um I didn't know you were in."
I shook my head as he pulled out of my driveway and started driving towards our school. He was so focused on the road it made me nervous.
"That was obvious...so what girl are you looking at now?"
I turned to look out the window and I could feel his eyes on me. We got to a red light and he turned my head towards him gently.
"You don't trust me, do you? why don't you trust me?" He let go of my face and just looked through me. I wanted to turn my head back and ignore his questions.
"It's hard...a lot of stuff has happened and you know that...Can I see your phone?" He was hesitant about it, but eventually gave it to me while he sighed and looked away. The light turned green and he focused on the road again. I unlocked his iPhone and seen what he was looking at... Me. Just me...No one else...I frowned and put his phone on the dashboard.
"Sorry Noah.. i just really thought-" I instantly shut up when he waved my words away as if they were just paper. His face said " It's fine", but he was probably thinking " I can't believe she still doesn't believe me." He didn't talk to me or look at me the whole rest of the ride.
William Falls Technical High School
Same day, 8:23 am
We arrived at school. He parked the car in his usual place. He turned off the car and pulled the key out of the ignition. He got out of the car and walked over to my side, opening the door like a true gentleman. I love when he does that...I got out the car and looked at him as he closes my door.
"I really do try, Noah. I try to trust you and believe everything you say..."
" I know.." He may have said that, but his face said otherwise. His face said " Not hard enough.Try harder." just in a sweet voice, without all the aggressiveness.
He pecked my cheek and pulled me in for a hug. I half smiled as I hugged him back. We pulled away after a few seconds. He whispered bye love to me and then walked away to his building. he turned back to look at me and when I caught his eyes , he turned back so fast in one swift motion that it looked unreal. He looked scared...scared of something or someone..scared of me...scared I might hurt him...Maybe l already am...hurting him so much he can't even bare to walk me to class anymore. I'm slowly bringing him down.. I'm so sorry Noah.. I really am... It's not my fault or yours..or maybe it is my fault...I walked all the way to the main building and when I got to my locker, I was attacked by these two fools I call my best friends, King Artorious and Yvette Johnson. My best friends since forever...
"HEY!" Yvette and King yelled in unison.
I look at them and shake my head while waving.
"Still not talking?" Yvette asked, looking concerned.
"I am..just not a lot..."
"FOR NOW." King and Yvette both said, looking at me like I was crazy for not talking as much as I usually do. I smile and it fades immediately after...Yvette studies me. "So what's wrong?" I tilt my head and lean on my locker with a confused face. I open my mouth to speak but King cuts me off.
"She's been thinking.. I can tell."
"What's on your mind babe?" Yvette looks me straight in the eye.
She's so caring. I wanted to tell her. I would love to tell everyone how I feel, but trust... Trust isn't my friend. Betrayal for some reason is...I always end up getting hurt... It' so so so hard...A lot is on my mind... I shook my head and ran away to girls' bathroom. Behind me, my best friends held confused faces. I chose a clean stall and just sat on the sit and thought for a bit.
One drop...
Stop thinking Marisol..everything is okay..everything is fine...no it isn't..its never going to be...
Another tear......another rub to the eye. I blinked back so many times.. More thoughts and more memories. I couldn't take it anymore...
A river... that's what I could compare my tears to. A river, a stream, and if I had a bucket it'd probably be half way full...I wish I couldn't think. It kills me...I hate it...
