6 months ago I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I guess everything changed from then. I was too weak to swim, all my dreams were crushed in that hospital room. I remember the look of pure devestation on Makotos face that day, it completely broke my heart.
Knowing I was going to die started to dawn on me during the first week. Knowing that in a few months... I would leave Makoto.
Since my family were away travelling, they weren't able to visit me. Since I never told them.
I don't know what thoughts were running through my head the third week, though I can tell it wasn't happy. I don't know if I had accepted I was going to die.
Maybe I knew that one day this day would come, even if I didn't get cancer. Maybe I would've been too sad to even think that.
Ever since I turned 15, I had been feeling down. Ever since I turned 16, I started hurting.
But Makoto never saw, I never let him in. But Makoto being Makoto got concerned, though I just brushed him off.
Because I was sad, I started having dark thoughts. Because of cancer I started having thoughts about death.
Although I knew I couldn't be saved, for some reason I still had a shred of hope I could survive. Although I couldn't be happy, I still tried.
I guess these are my last words. I'm getting weaker and weaker, I can hardly speak nevermind walk. Please, forget and move on. I don't matter anymore. This is the universe telling me I should die.
I love you
_________________
"I love you"
Makoto drops the diary and looks at his lover laying motionlessly.
"I guess I was too late to notice the signs... It was all too much"
